


the sound the sea makes

by krystian



Series: ex undis [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Animal Death, Blood, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Little Mermaid Elements, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Injuries, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-22 00:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22439893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krystian/pseuds/krystian
Summary: It was quiet – so much quieter than what he was used to, and the murmuring of the sea dwelled in his ears, filled his mind to the brim with sweet nothings.Koutarou blinked, his body torn from side to side as the current gnawed at him, not wanting to let him go. Finding Keiji was all that counted now.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: ex undis [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607761
Comments: 23
Kudos: 43





	1. What you gon' do when there's blood in the water?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told you I'd be back :)
> 
> got into a slump for some time, but i managed to drag myself out of it and write some shit not even i could be proud of. nevertheless, have at it. 
> 
> the title is from [Dissolve Me](https://youtu.be/mowozlG6Abo) by alt-j, although im gonna change it most likely
> 
> i dont have this story prewritten (although i have it outlined) so its prolly gonna take a while  
> if you havent read the first part, you should probably do that, otherwise its not gonna make much sense :)
> 
> chapter title is from the song [Blood // Water (Acoustic)](https://youtu.be/4wpx4adDVQI) by grandson

The sound of the waves against his skin, lapping softly as if caressing him, murmuring sweet nothings into his ear, was soothing.

It was quiet – so much quieter than what he was used to, and the murmur of the sea dwelled in his ears, filled his mind to the brim and hijacked his thoughts until it felt as if it had been stuffed with seaweed.

At least until he opened his eyes.

Koutarou blinked, his body torn from side to side as the current gnawed at him, not wanting to let him go. From the corners of his eyes he saw something dark, but at the same time also _really_ pale sink down into the depths, but it was gone in an instant. He didn’t dwell on it, but focused rather on the distant humming in his head, a dull ache at the back of it.

Looking at the the area around him, keeping his eyes open despite the murky, dark water that barely let him see his hands in front of his body, Koutarou felt the gills at his neck work, felt them come to power once again as he swivelled around, searching, his gaze scrutinizing every inch.

“Keiji?” He called out, barely audible above the roar of the angry sea.

How long had he been out?

Too long?

“Keiji!” Koutarou tried anew, his voice increasing in volume as did the sheer terror in his chest. It nipped at his heart, made the muscle hurt in ways it’d never done before. He clutched at the skin above it as his body was thrown to the side, his arm scraping against… rocks?

No. Not rocks. Too soft for rocks.

Something else.

Koutarou turned around, as fast as the lightning that sometimes struck the surface of the sea and made weird creatures made of brightness dance across it, and stared at a pale, _too_ pale face.

Deep blue eyes stared back at him in bewilderment.

“Keiji?” He croaked out, his voice almost breaking as his throat constricted in an onslaught of emotions. The other didn’t answer.

The torrent strengthened. Koutarou gasped, his own eyes widening, as he grabbed Keiji’s arm and dragged him along, away from the rock formation without thinking twice.

Too dangerous to stay here, too close to being dashed against unrelenting, unfeeling walls.

Keiji followed, silent.

Wait.

Keiji was human. Humans needed air to breathe; humans couldn’t survive beneath the surface. Keiji needed to, needed…

Just as he was trying to finish that particular thought, his mind racing, Keiji caught up to him, his movements swift and elegant, and Koutarou glanced at him from the side.

Keiji still looked like, well, _Keiji,_ but somehow also like… something – somebody – else. He was still pretty in that familiar, yet vain way that was so synonymous with human beauty standards, but also _not._ There was something beneath the vanity that clung to humans like barnacles to any type of rock. The t-shirt hung loose on his frame, but the skin on his arms was deathly pale, almost shining in the dark water around them. But that wasn’t even the weirdest part – the place where his legs previously had been, had been turned into… _something_ else.

No, not something else.

A fishtail.

Koutarou examined it as well as he could in the gaping abyss around them; he watched as Keiji pulled his shirt off and how it sunk down in the water, never to be seen again. He watched as the gills just above Keiji’s hips were brought to life, opening and closing rapidly as if trying to make up for the fact that they had never been there before.

His dark brown tail swished around in the water, anchoring him. It looked bumpy, and several small, finely webbed fins protruded from it. Keiji’s mouth curved upwards ever so slightly, almost crescent-like, and sharp, translucent teeth shimmered through between his lips, giving him an almost ethereal look.

Koutarou couldn’t avert his eyes, and he latched onto Keiji’s arm once more to pull the other into a hug, nuzzling his face into Keiji’s cold neck. Keiji didn’t move, didn’t react at all, and Koutarou raised his face to look at him once again, his lower lip trembling. If merpeople had had tear ducts, he would surely be crying now. Sometimes he really envied humans.

“I was _so_ scared,” he whispered, and finally, _finally_ Keiji looked at him, still not deigning to answer. “I thought you were gone. Forever. But it all turned out alright, didn’t it? You’re here now, aren’t you? And we can be together.” He tried to smile at Keiji and hoped it came out convincing.

Thing was – he didn’t understand what had happened, and it hurt his head even more. Keiji shouldn’t be here; shouldn’t be so calm. He should be at the bottom of the sea, nothing more than the broken shell of a human, but he wasn’t. Something, _anything,_ had saved him, had given Koutarou a second chance.

Maybe the stories Keiji had told him had been true. Maybe fate wasn’t as unrelenting. 

He smiled again, his hands snaking around Keiji’s neck as he pressed a kiss on the other’s lips, his nose bumping into Keiji’s. The other’s lips were unresponsive and cold beneath his own.

Koutarou frowned, backing off a little to give Keiji some space. “What’s wrong?” He asked, because this wasn’t how Keiji had reacted before. This didn’t seem like him at all.

Keiji shrugged. “Nothing is wrong.” His eyes seemed cold, distant when there had only been warmth and kindness before.

Puckering up his lips, Koutarou continued to stare at him. Keiji returned the look, not blinking once. “You seem off,” he finally noted, desperation clinging to his words.

And it was true – this wasn’t how Keiji had been before, this wasn’t the sweet, kind boy he’d met that day on the beach, who’d wormed his way into Koutarou’s heart with just a few, well-placed words.

This was someone else.

But Keiji was shaking his head. “It’s nothing,” he repeated, tearing his eyes away from Koutarou. “Nothing of importance, anyhow. Because, as it seems, nothing is anymore-“ his face contorted slightly, his nose scrunching up and his tongue darted across his lips, wetting them – an unnecessary action – before speaking up once again- “it’s just- new. A new sensation. That’s all.”

Of course. The same boy, but different circumstances sometimes made you act weird. Koutarou couldn’t blame him for that – of course it was new. For both of them, but especially for Keiji. Sympathetically, he clasped his hand around Keiji’s thin wrist, drawing him closer to envelop the other in another hug. “I don’t blame you for that. I’m just… really glad you’re here. With me.”

Keiji’s eyes flicked upwards at his face – just a small movement – but there was something in his gaze. It was warm, and not at all unwelcome. It made him seem more… lively. “We can’t stay here,” he muttered, dragging his hand across his face and sighing in an all too human manner. “The storm’s still raging on. I reckon we… what was it you said? Spend the remainder of it near the ground?” Keiji squinted at Koutarou, who nodded seriously, his head bobbing up and down.

“We should,” he admitted, “but are you sure that’s such a good idea? I mean, with you-“ he gestured towards Keiji’s new body- “just having been turned recently. I don’t know if it’d be…” He trailed off, hoping that Keiji would catch the drift. He was _(had been?)_ a smart human after all.

Thankfully, Keiji nodded, his black hair framing his face like a dark halo. “I suppose I know what you mean,” he conceded, “but still. I do not wish to bring any more harm to you.” His gaze turned pleading and his eyes widened ever so slightly.

Koutarou felt his firm resolve melt at the sight. “Sure. If that’s what you want.” Sighing, he entwined his and Keiji’s fingers. They were cold; colder than the water around them and slick, the webbing between the fingers secreting a sticky fluid. His own tail grazed Keiji’s and he shuddered at the sensation, goose bumps forming on his arms. Carefully he dragged the other boy deeper into the murkiness surrounding them, until the crashing of the waves was muffled by the cracking sounds of the deep sea, where darkness was the standard and light a luxury.

Koutarou didn’t necessarily like the depths – he had been there before, but they felt constricting to him, cold and debilitating and _lifeless_ , although he knew of the beings that lived down there.

But the deeper they went, the livelier Keiji seemed to get. At first it was just the small, irregular twitching of his fingers against Koutarou’s own, but soon enough Keiji’s flaps of his fins became stronger as well, stirring up the cool water around them. He seemed to emit a dim shimmer, not enough to really lighten up their surroundings but enough to make out his contours.

It was something, at least.

Koutarou pressed his body closer to Keiji’s as they advanced together, their tails working in sync and their eyes scanning the area. Down here you couldn’t really feel the pull of the tides or the drag of the storm, couldn’t hear the howling of the wind or the waves crashing against the shore. Down here, everything was quiet, muted, _calm_. 

It seemed fake to him.

He cleared his throat to get rid of some of the silence. “What do you think happened?” He asked when it felt as if it was suffocating him. He could feel Keiji shrug, felt his shoulders rise and fall.

“I don’t know,” the boy answered, and Koutarou believed him. “I didn’t expect this to happen. I don’t remember much, either.”

In the dim light, Koutarou could barely make out how Keiji’s eyebrows scrunched up, how his face turned into something less gentle, but it was gone in an instant, swallowed by the darkness.

He concentrated on the black shapes that danced across his eyes instead, watched them twirl around and disappear again. They were almost at the bottom, and the pressure on his head made his ears ring a little. Keiji didn’t seem to mind, though, so he didn’t complain. “That’s strange,” he finally admitted, even though Keiji obviously hadn’t been expecting an answer. “I don’t remember much, either. I just…” He rubbed the backside of his head, and winced when that sent a wave of pain through it, grinding his teeth together.

Maybe he’d gotten too close to the rocks before.

When he retracted his hand to look at it, nothing was there, no trace of blood or anything. But of course the water could already have washed it away.

Keiji paid him no mind, his gaze staring into the abyss in front of them, his hand gripping Koutarou’s tightly. He squeezed back, maybe to soothe Keiji’s nerves, maybe to soothe his own. Koutarou looked at the other, his eyebrows drawn together in thought, when he noticed that Keiji had started to slow down, the flaps of his tail becoming slower and slower. “We’re there,” Keiji announced.

Koutarou looked around – the ground of the sea was as desolate as he remembered it to be. Grey sand, grey fish, everything seemed to be grey. Even Keiji had become just that – a dull grey shell of himself, lifeless and tired.

But he couldn’t think like that! Not now, that he’d found a companion, maybe even a mate, he could be with, not now that things finally seemed to be going his way!

He gave Keiji his best grin, trying to show the least possible amount of teeth, and pulled him into another hug, his own cold skin sliding against Keiji’s as he rested his chin on top of the other’s head, eyes staring into the distance.

Koutarou felt Keiji sigh against his skin, felt how the water brushed against his collarbone as the boy breathed out and he reluctantly slung his arms around Koutarou’s back. It was… comforting, in its own, weird way.

They both swayed lightly in the water, bodies moving with the current as the storm raged on far, far above them.

He felt so small – so insignificant – as he hovered there, his caudal fin grazing sand and seashells, but it was fine. It was fine as long as Keiji was there, was with him. Koutarou smiled, more to himself than anyone else, and pressed his nose against Keiji’s soft hair.

Only humans ever had so soft hair.

It tended to become dull and matted and tousled the longer you spent in the salt water, and thus neither female nor male merpeople ever let their hair get very long. For a moment he wished for Keiji to have longer hair, so he could play with it, feel it between his fingers, but he quickly discarded the idea.

Keiji was beautiful as he was.

Speaking of Keiji – he felt the smaller merman _(was he a merman now?)_ hum slightly, the sound reverberating against his torso as Keiji’s sharp nails dug into his back. The skin there was thick; it didn’t hurt.

The silence between them felt peaceful, for once, but there was a question at the tip of his tongue, something that wanted to force its way out of his mouth. He swallowed, his hands fiddling with each other at the small of Keiji’s back. “Keiji?” He finally asked, timid like a child asking their parents for permission.

The other hummed in response, nudging his head upwards ever so slightly to make him continue talking.

“I’ve just been wondering… are you- y’know, happy? Like that?” It was a weird question to ask, and he immediately regretted it, pressing his lips tightly together and worrying them between his razor-sharp teeth. “Sorry, I didn’t- didn’t mean to… you don’t have to answer, obviously, I just thought-“

Keiji interrupted his rambling with a soft chuckle, the sound throaty as if the saltwater had grated his former air duct. “I don’t mind, Koutarou,” he answered, and the addressed felt his heart melt at the sound of his name on the other’s tongue, “it is quite alright.”

He felt how Keiji pushed him a little away, and he complied, holding him at an arm’s length and scanning his face.

Keiji still looked impassive, his mouth half open as if he was in the middle of saying something.

Meeting Koutarou’s gaze, he continued. “Quite alright,” he repeated, seemingly lost in thought. “I don’t know if I would call myself… _happy,_ per se.” Keiji gnawed on the inside of his cheek, and Koutarou lifted one arm to put his thumb on the soft skin there, tilting his chin upwards so their gazes met once again.

“That’s understandable,” he murmured softly. “I just want you to be happy. Isn’t this what you wanted?” He hazily remembered Keiji asking him something like that before- before his memory had turned dark and he’d opened his eyes again in the middle of the storm.

Koutarou frowned, trying to remember what had happened in between, but Keiji was already continuing. “I don’t understand any of this,” he admitted, his gaze wandering past Koutarou and into the darkness behind him. “Least of all, you. But… I want to. I want to be happy, for your sake, and my own.” The last part sounded more like an afterthought, but Koutarou was too tired to press on.

They’d have enough time to speak about everything tomorrow. Tomorrow, when the sun would shine and the sea would be calmer. Tomorrow, when the world would be clearer and his head didn’t buzz so much.

He shook his head to get rid of the sound inside his skull, but it persisted. Keiji’s attention snapped back to him. As he took Keiji in once more, noting his tail and his gills and fins, a switch flipped inside his head.

Of course!

Keiji must’ve noticed too, because he shot him a questioning glance, cocking his head to the side. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

Forgetting the ache in his head and grinning at him, Koutarou answered, “Nothing’s wrong! I just realized that I know where we can get answers!” He grabbed Keiji’s hands with renewed enthusiasm, clutching them as if his life depended on it, as if the next wave could make him drift away from his companion if he didn’t hold on tight.

Keiji raised one perfect, thin eyebrow. “Where?”

Koutarou twirled him round instead of giving an actual answer, catching Keiji in his arms when the other lost his balance and tumbled to the side. “The shoal!” He exclaimed, mad with joy at this revelation. “Of course!”

Keiji still looked at him, disbelieving. Or maybe just confused. “The shoal?” He repeated, his voice tinged with curiosity.

Nodding, Koutarou cradled him in his arms, pressing light kisses to the other’s face and hair. “Why didn’t I think of that sooner! Someone’s got to know what’s going on! And besides, meeting other people will only make you feel better!”

Peering up at him, Keiji’s eyes seemed bluer than ever before, like the sky on a cloudless day; Koutarou’s favourite kind of days. “Are you sure you’re fine with going back?” He inquired, voice monotone.

Koutarou shrugged. “They didn’t reject me; I’m probably allowed to come back.” He felt that Keiji wanted to comment on the usage of the word _probably,_ so he continued. “And besides, I’ll be happy as long as I’m with you.” He smiled once again, booping Keiji’s nose with his finger.

The other narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want you to force yourself to do that,” Keiji interjected, angling his body slightly away from Koutarou’s.

He pouted a little, whining when Keiji pulled away. “I’m not forcing myself to do this. I think it’ll be – how did you call it? – beneficial for both of us.” He mentally patted himself on the back, using words that Keiji had taught him.

Lips pulled into a tight smile, Keiji turned around to look at him. “Are you sure?”

Koutarou steeled his gaze. “Of course I am. I wouldn’t propose the idea if I wasn’t.”

Keiji examined him, probably looking for the slightest twitch, the slightest hint of doubt in his eyes that would disprove what he’d just said, but after a few beats of nothing, he nodded, seemingly content with what he saw. “Alright,” he relented, crossing his arms over his chest, “alright. You win. We’ll go back.”

He grinned at him, and the wish for physical contact prevailed. Koutarou rushed forward with a strong flap of his fin and spread his arms, enveloping Keiji in a hug once more _(his favourite activity nowadays),_ pressing the other tightly against his own body. “Thank you,” he murmured into Keiji’s ear, grateful and relieved at once.

Keiji just nodded. “I trust you,” he said, and it was like a declaration of love to Koutarou’s ears.

“You won’t regret doing so.”

He wouldn’t let Keiji down, never. If the other decided to trust him, he would do nothing to lose that.

Koutarou felt Keiji nod once again, the motion amplified by how close he was pressed against the other. “Let’s rest for now. We can talk about the details tomorrow.”

He didn’t object to that. Spending a night with Keiji – something he couldn’t have done when the other had been human – was not something he’d ever say no to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and? what do you think, what kinda fish is akaashi? a pretty ugly one, if you ask me. 
> 
> sorry akaashi, but not even an ugly fish could disfigure you


	2. Твоя улыбка милее всех

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i fell in love a little today.  
> Im also having migraines. they really do hurt.  
> i'll go take a nap now
> 
> chapter title from tina karol's song 'pupsik'  
> kinda translated like 'your smile is the most beautiful of all'

When Koutarou awoke the next day, it was to the cold enveloping his body and the darkness swallowing him whole. Not an unfamiliar feeling, then.

Yawning and letting fresh water circulate through his body, he blinked the sleep away and rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. His body felt awfully cramped after spending the entirety of the previous night on the hard, uncomfortable ground.

Koutarou stretched, shaking himself to get rid of the lingering tiredness, and scanned the area for any kind of living being. His stomach grumbled in protest at the sudden movement, reminding him that he hadn’t properly eaten anything since the last day.

One hand now clutching his abdomen, he looked around once more to determine if there was anything worth hunting nearby. A shadow stirred in the murkiness, not too far away, and the motion attracted his gaze.

Trying not to make any noise, he regulated the movements of his fins and swam a little closer, careful so as not to disturb his potential prey. The closer he got, the more he could make out the contours of the creature: its long, dark tail, fair skin and small thatch of black hair on its head.

He sighed.

It was just Keiji.

Throwing all caution to the wind, Koutarou made his way towards his companion, letting the cool water properly wake him up as he went.

Keiji was seated on a dark grey rock, barely distinguishable from his even darker tail, and they seamlessly flowed into one another. He had his back turned to Koutarou, not paying him any mind, and his skin seemed almost translucent in the early morning light. His tail idly flapped at the ground, though not hard enough to whirl up the sand.

When he was close enough, Koutarou spoke up, “Did you sleep well?”

He was met with silence, Keiji only cocking his head to the left side, maybe to ponder the question. It exposed his delicate neck, and Koutarou was tempted to press his face into the soft skin there. He interpreted the silence as a ‘no’. “Me neither, the ground was kinda too hard.”

Keiji raised his hands that had been gripping the rock before, clasping them around each other as if nervous. He turned his head a bit and Koutarou caught a glimpse of deep blue eyes, staring miserably at him.

“What’s wrong?” He inquired, coming to a halt behind the other and draping his arms around Keiji’s shoulders. “Are you hungry? If so, I could teach you how to hunt.”

He saw Keiji shake his head, but he more so felt the motion; felt, how Keiji’s hair brushed against his cheek in that familiar manner. Koutarou sighed. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, how am I supposed to help you?”

Keiji shrugged, still doing nothing to wrangle himself out of Koutarou’s grasp, but also not hugging him back. It was frustrating, if he was being honest with himself. Frustrating and tiring.

Koutarou gnawed on the inside of his cheek, biting the skin there raw until the copper taste he usually savoured filled his mouth, clogging up his nostrils. His voice was croaky when he tried to speak, and he cleared his throat. “I _want_ to help you, Keiji. Please, what should I do?”

At that, the other finally turned around, looking at him with narrowed eyes; there was nothing in his gaze.

“You can’t help me, Koutarou. No one can.”

* * *

The world looked a whole lot better if you had something under your belt, Koutarou mused, glancing at his haul. 

His hands were holding the now unmoving body of some kind of fish – he honestly couldn’t tell, considering he’d never been good at identifying them. What was the point of being able to do that if you just ate them anyway?

He licked his lips – a habit he’d picked up from Keiji – and dug his teeth into the still slightly warm carcass, blood coating the lower half of his face and making his senses go haywire. It’d wash off soon enough. Biting down, a scale got stuck between his teeth and he tried picking it out with his fingers, contorting his face in the process.

A few metres away, Keiji watched him, a neutral look on his face.

Koutarou held the fish out for him to take. “You want something?”

Keiji shook his head, turning his head away ever so slightly and scrunching up his nose.

Geez, he’d never understand the humans’ aversion to eating raw food. Keiji would get used to it, after all. Shrugging his concerns off, he turned back to the fish, focusing on filling his stomach before making any major decisions.

Savouring each bite, his thoughts wandered back to the previous day – his head hurt slightly at the memory, but maybe that was also the doing of the small wound on the back of his head. It’d heal soon enough, either way.

But sadly eating a good meal didn’t last for a lifetime, and soon enough he’d spat out the fish bones _(he could eat them, he just preferred not to)_ and cleaned his mouth, expectantly staring at Keiji, who was now examining his nails as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

With a strong flap of his caudal fin, he got closer, settling down in front of the other merman and looking up at him. “Are you still fine with going back?”

Keiji tore his eyes away from his hands and stared at Koutarou, scanning him with a look on his face that didn’t give away what he was really feeling. “I suppose so, yes. I’ve just been waiting for you to finish.”

Koutarou smiled at him, nodding a little. “That’s very considerate, thank you.”

Shrugging, Keiji got up from where he’d been crouching on the rock, stretching his long limbs and experimentally flapping his tail a few times. Of course he still had to get used to all these new sensations. He looked at Koutarou, who got up in return.

“Ready to leave?” He playfully asked, shoving Keiji a little.

Keiji nodded, not reacting to the teasing but instead looking around one last time. “There’s no point in staying here. Nothing good’s going to come from remaining in the past.”

Maybe turning into a merman had thrown Keiji off more than he’d first anticipated; nevertheless, Koutarou shrugged it off once again, and it rolled off his shoulders like the water droplets when he’d been visiting the beach. “Right. Last time I saw ‘em, they were in the warmer waters further down. Maybe we should check there first?”

It was a rhetorical question – how would Keiji know where to look, after all?

“We might as well. Lead the way.”

* * *

Finding the way back when you’d been here for such a long time was _hard;_ harder than it had any right to be.

Koutarou clicked his tongue, drawing his eyebrows together as he consulted his internal compass. His journey to the coast of wherever he’d met Keiji hadn’t felt that long. Next to him, Keiji was sat on another rock, watching a small crab scuttle across the seafloor and playing with a few pieces of seaweed in his hands. “We’re lost, aren’t we?” He observed.

Sending him a pained smile, Koutarou tried denying it, “No, we aren’t- I just… thought we should make a small detour, y’know? Or stop to admire the scenery. It’s really pretty here, isn’t it?” He pointed at the desolate area around them. “Really pretty,” he emphasized.

Keiji raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh.” Turning his head towards the surface, the other squinted a little; something he’d been doing a lot lately. They’d managed to swim quite a bit, had left the storm behind, and all that met him when he looked up were the blue sky and the rays of the sun piercing through the water. Keiji looked uncomfortable in the sun, avoiding it as much as he could. He didn’t voice his discomfort, but Koutarou could read it in his eyes.

“We’ll be out of here soon enough,” he promised, trying to find the right direction once more. “I know it. I just…” He trailed off, his eyes staring into the distance.

Keiji next to him hummed a little, shifting his weight. “Why don’t we just go that way?” He asked, pointing southeast at random. Or at least what Koutarou assumed to be southeast. Maybe the storm had thrown him off balance.

He shrugged. “If that’s what you want, then sure.” Grabbing Keiji’s hand and dragging him away from the seaweed, he quickly set off in the direction that the other had wanted to go.

Keiji soon enough caught up to him, casually keeping pace with him as if he’d never done anything else. The light shone down on him, illuminating his high cheekbones and the shimmer of his jetblack hair; his pupils narrowed almost immediately, turning into pinpricks. Keiji’s hand in Koutarou’s grip was slack and cold. It probably only seemed weird to Koutarou because he hadn’t been cold blooded before, he mused. He’d get used to it over time.

Wanting to pierce the silence that had settled between them, he cleared his throat. “So… why don’t we like- I don’t know, get to know each other a bit better before you meet my former shoal? It might make it easier.”

He waited for Keiji to give an answer, but the other just nodded, his mouth clamped shut.

Well, he’d just have to start. “Is there anything you want to know about me, in particular? Something you haven’t already heard?”

Keiji tapped the long index finger of his unoccupied hand against his lips – it was distracting, to say the least. “I don’t really know,” he hummed, “is there anything I should know about your shoal?”

Koutarou tried not to feel disappointed that Keiji hadn’t specifically asked anything about him, trying instead to find an answer. “That’s a tough one,” he admitted, “there’s probably loads of stuff that’ll be new to you.” He tightened his grip around Keiji’s hand. “Most of them are really nice, I’m sure you’ll get along. I didn’t have a mate either when I left, so there shouldn’t be any hard feelings now that I’m coming back. Although-“ he paused shortly- “they might not like that I’m bringing someone that used to be human.” Koutarou frowned. “We’ll just omit that, yeah?”

He felt Keiji look at him from the side. “If that’s what you want.” His forehead creased in thought. “Then why don’t you tell me about the life underwater a little?” He suggested.

Happy to comply, Koutarou answered, “Sure! It’s nothing too fancy, though! I grew up in this little community, with a lot of others around my age. We used to play together a lot when we were younger and were taught stuff by our elders the rest of the time – mostly important stuff like the history of our people and hunting.”

“And?” Keiji pressed on. Maybe it was just Koutarou’s imagination, but he seemed livelier, more curious and not as aloof right now. It made something swell in his chest.

“Just everyday stuff. My mother used to tell me stories – mainly Greek ones, because they’re the oldest and really well known. But the Greek weren’t actually the only one to know of merpeople, did you know that?”

He waited for Keiji to shake his head before continuing.

“That’s right! My grandfather used to tell me stories about how his great grandfather met Vikings when he was just a wee lad, about my age now! Isn’t that cool? I wish my life would’ve been that exciting.” Koutarou scoffed a little, watching as the scenery around them slowly changed and the grey sand turned a little more colourful.

Keiji cocked his head to the side. “And what was your life like?”

“Pretty normal, I guess. I grew up south from here; back then, the shoal used to live in caves near the coast. We didn’t travel as much as we do now. I had a pet as well. A little hermit crab, _Yakiniku._ ”

Humming a little, Keiji watched the change of scenery as well. Or at least Koutarou supposed he did. It was hard to tell with Keiji. “You _had_ a pet?”

Koutarou sighed. “He was already pretty old when I got him. Died a few years prior. I mean, he didn’t do much either way, but still. I liked him. But anyways!” He swung their linked hands a little, dragging Keiji’s attention towards him once more. “What about you? You never told me that much!”

Keiji looked away once again, avoiding his gaze. “I’d prefer not to talk about it,” he muttered, the sound almost lost in the wide ocean.

Pouting a little, Koutarou tugged at his hand, making him turn around. “Why not? How bad can it be?”

The other frowned at him, obviously unhappy. He was tempted to drop the subject, but his curiosity overpowered everything else. “I just don’t feel like talking about it at the moment,” Keiji levelly explained, as if he was some stupid child.

“Fine,” he uttered; it sounded so much snappier than intended. “Then don’t tell me.”

Keiji sighed, pulling his hand out of Koutarou’s grip to drape it across his eyes, rubbing his temples. Koutarou almost felt bad. Almost. “I’m sorry, Koutarou- It’s just. I don’t remember much, anymore,” he confessed, looking conflicted.

Koutarou swivelled around at that, staring at Keiji with big, disbelieving eyes. “You don’t? Like, as in you actually don’t remember what your life was like before?”

Shaking his head, Keiji continued. “It’s probably better that way, isn’t it?”

“It’s not!” He heatedly replied. “This is your past we’re talking about! A part of yourself! You can’t just forget that, can’t just pretend it never happened!”

Keiji sighed again. “It’s whatever- Look, we’re on our way to your shoal and you said there might be someone who’ll be able to help me, didn’t you? So we’ll just ask them.”

That wasn’t how it worked. That wasn’t how any of this worked.

But he wasn’t about to tell and unsettle Keiji.

It would be fine; this was no big deal.

* * *

He tried to fill the rest of the way with easy chitchat, which was harder than it looked.

Koutarou was almost relieved when they reached a small rock formation he actually remembered; grey and ugly and uncomfortable to sleep on, if memory served him right, but a landmark nonetheless.

Calling out to Keiji – who was little farther away – he examined the rocks closer, letting his hand feel the rough surface of the stone. “Whaddaya say, we stay here for the time being?”

Keiji just shrugged _(why did he even ask anymore?)_ and went back to scanning the area near the ground, keeping in the shadowy part of the rock. The water was pretty shallow – still at least a few metres deep, but not nearly enough for a dweller of the depths. They’d have to keep moving soon, but for now, all they needed was a break.

Deeming that it’d be safe for Keiji to stay here, he swam upwards, breaking through the surface of the water and letting it drip down his face. Direct sunlight had never felt so good; it warmed every inch of his being and he involuntarily smiled at the sensation. 

When he opened his eyes, he was face to face with a pair of cat-like, golden eyes, which widened slightly in surprise, before looking back down at the small, rectangular device the other held in his hands.

Koutarou’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ as he shrank back a little, hiding his lower body as well he could; a hard feat in the almost clear water. His instinct told him to be cautious around this stranger, but his curiosity prevailed.

The boy was perched up on the rock, his legs dangling off and his toes dipping in and out of the water as he focused on whatever he was doing there. He was wearing a white shirt and dark, soft-looking pants. For a second, Koutarou wondered why he wasn’t wet. His hair reminded Koutarou of his own, just in reverse; dark roots followed by lighter tips, as if the colour was seeping out of him. He bit down on his lower lip, paying no attention to Koutarou.

He heaved himself upwards a little, the rock dry enough that he didn’t immediately slip off, and peered at what the other was doing. A small human-looking thing jumped up and down on the small screen, until some letters flashed across it and the boy groaned. He made the device go black and looked back at Koutarou, still not even remotely surprised or shocked. 

Koutarou stared back.

The other was the first one to break eye contact, looking at the water instead. “What do you want,” he mumbled, almost too quiet to hear through the crashing of the waves, rhythmically hitting the rock.

Koutarou cocked his head to one side. “Nothing. It’s just – what are you doing here, on your own?”

The boy sat up, drawing his knees to his body and hugging them to create some distance between himself and Koutarou. “Waiting,” he supplied, tight-lipped.

“Waiting for what? Or for whom?” Koutarou shot him a concerned glance, and then pointedly looked back out at the sea. “It’s not safe for a- for you to be out here.”

Shooting him a calculating look, the boy picked at his nails. “It’s safe with him. He’s like you.”

“Like me?” Koutarou echoed, feeling hope well up in his chest. “You know what I am?”

The boy’s forehead creased. “Obviously. You’re not very good at obscuring yourself. Even worse than him, I would say.”

It was probably meant as an insult, but Koutarou was giddy at meeting someone of his kind, so he paid the boy’s harsh words no mind. “That’s great! When will he be here?”

Now openly frowning, the boy shook his head. “You’re way too naïve and trusting. What if I’d been trying to lure you into a trap?” When he saw Koutarou’s gaze, he clicked his tongue and added, “Just so you know, I didn’t. My name is Kozume, but you may as well call me Kenma.”

Koutarou nodded. “I trust you, Kenma,” he said, grinning at the other who only rolled his eyes in response, clutching the device in his hands a little tighter. “My name is Koutarou.”

“Koutarou,” Kenma mouthed the word, seemingly thinking hard about it. “That name is familiar. I think I know who you are, _Carcharodon carcharias_.” His gaze wandered past Koutarou, off into the distance and his eyes assumed a clouded look. “Such a goddamn idiot,” he muttered, leaving Koutarou wondering just what that was supposed to mean.

Not for long though, as something grabbed the place where his caudal fin joined his main body, the thinnest part of his tail, and dragged him underwater.

For a second he was inclined to shut his mouth as to not let water enter his respiratory system, having seen Keiji do it multiple times, until he remembered that he didn’t need to breathe per se.

He opened his eyes and looked around until his gaze landed on a familiar shape; a lean, muscular body followed by a long greyish tail, and a face that screamed mischievousness and roguishness.

Koutarou felt his lips turn up into a smile as he went to hug the other, patting him heavily on the back as he felt the other’s laugh vibrate against his ribcage. “Tetsurou!” He exclaimed, holding him an arm’s length away to properly look at him. “You haven’t changed at all, man!”

And it was true; okay, one of his two dorsal fins _(the bigger one)_ was a little more scarred now, but his smile – still full of small, sharp teeth – was as bright as always and he didn’t look a day older than he had when they’d departed.

“Looking good as well,” Tetsurou greeted him back, his eyes scanning his body. “I see you’ve already met Kenma?”

Koutarou nodded. “You know him?” He had to think of himself and Keiji for a second; of how similar their situations were. “Bro, you won’t believe what happened!”

“You can tell me in just a second. I think I scared Kenma off,” the other explained, looking fondly at the surface of the water, before pushing himself upwards with a strong flap of his fin. “You coming?” He called back.

Instead of giving an answer, Koutarou propelled himself upwards as well, catching up with ease. They broke through the surface at the same time, and for a moment he thought it was Keiji looking at him with that soft look in his eyes and a smirk playing at his lips. At second glance, it turned out to be only Kenma.

Of course.

Nevertheless, he smiled at the boy and pointed at Tetsurou. “That’s who you were waiting for?” He inquired, and Kenma nodded begrudgingly.

“You seem to know each other pretty well,” Kenma commented, eyeing Koutarou as Tetsurou swum closer and nudged Kenma with his hand until the other combed his fingers through the black hair, tugging lightly.

Tetsurou answered for the both of them. “We’ve been friends since childhood,” he almost purred, pressing his cheek against Kenma’s leg that was now dangling in the water. “We left together but got separated.”

Kenma nodded, his hands halting in Tetsurou’s hair. “Interesting.” 

“And,” Koutarou started, drawing two pairs of eyes to him, “how did you meet?”

Smiling, the other merman opened his mouth to start, but Kenma beat him to it. “You always drag out the story and tell it all wrong,” he accused Tetsurou, who gasped in mock-horror. “That idiot stranded on the beach and couldn’t get back and I decided to help him.”

Well, that was… anticlimactic.

But speaking of meeting humans…

“I want you to meet someone as well!” He exclaimed, having only now remembered that he, too, knew a human _(former human)._ With pity in his eyes he looked at Kenma. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’ll be able to meet him. He’s really sensitive to light, so I can’t bring him above the surface, and I doubt you can hold your breath that long.”

Understanding, Kenma nodded. “That’s alright.” Looking at Tetsurou, he added, “Have fun, but don’t keep me waiting too long.” With that he directed his attention back to the beeping thing in his hands and ignored them.

Tetsurou just shrugged, expectantly looking at Koutarou. “Wanna go, then?”

Koutarou grinned, grabbing his hands and dragging him under.

* * *

Keiji had hidden himself quite well, still loitering in the shadow of the big rock, almost perfectly blending in.

Tetsurou squinted his eyes at him, his gaze flitting back and forth. “So?” He asked, voice hesitant.

Beaming at him and sending and encouraging smile to Keiji, he piped up. “I wanted you to meet Keiji!” He grabbed Keiji’s hand to drag him forwards a little, until he noticed the other shaking his head. “What, Keiji, getting shy now?” He teased. “It’s just Tetsurou, y’know, the one who left with me! I told you about him!”

Said merman cleared his throat, and Koutarou looked at him as he fidgeted a little. “Hello Keiji, it’s so nice to meet you,” he greeted politely, smile a little forced, and then turned back to his friend. “Koutarou, are you…” He trailed off, obviously not knowing what to say.

Koutarou frowned. “Am I what?”

“ _You know._ ”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t know. I just wanted you to meet Keiji; I met him as a human and some things changed, so he turned into a merman!”

Tetsurou seemed conflicted; his gaze still flitting between them. “That’s neat and all, but- wait a second, did you just say he _turned_ into one?” His jaw almost dropped to the seafloor and his cat-like eyes turned wide.

Proudly, Koutarou retorted, gripping Keiji’s hand a little tighter. “Yeah, he did! I was there when it happened!”

The other shook his head. “That’s not-“

But Koutarou was talking again. “He’s just shy, that’s why he’s not talking. He’ll warm up to you in no time!” Of course he would; there was no reason why he should dislike Tetsurou. Sure, his friend acted strange sometimes, but deep down he was a good person.

Maybe they’d even stay here with Tetsurou and Kenma.

Oh!

What if they could make Kenma turn as well and then they’d all live here together?

But no; helping Keiji came first, no matter how much he’d missed his friend.

Thus, he sadly looked at Tetsurou. “I’d love to stay here with you and Kenma, but I promised Keiji to take him to the shoal so we could get help from them. Our healer, specifically.” He squeezed Keiji’s hand in what he hoped was a reassuring manner, keeping his gaze trained on Tetsurou.

The other shook his head. “You’re chasing phantoms, Koutarou.”

He frowned; had their current healer died? Or the shoal disappeared? That’d be quite unfortunate. He asked exactly that, waiting expectantly for an answer.

Tetsurou sighed; unblinking, unrelenting eyes staring directly into his soul. “That’s not what I meant. Either way though, I don't know where they are at the moment.” He shot one last look at Keiji. “I have to get back to Kenma. I think I need to talk to him about something. You and… _your friend_ should stay here as well. Just for a while.”

Koutarou shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

Tetsurou sighed. “That’s what I thought. Just- stay safe, will you? And come back sometime, when you’ve found your answer.” He waved a little at Koutarou and then took off towards the surface. Koutarou watched him go and then turned back to Keiji, apologetic. “I swear he’s not usually like that,” he reassured him, but Keiji just shrugged.

“It’s fine, I don’t blame him. He seemed nice enough.” Keiji clutched his hand a little tighter.

Koutarou laughed, pulling him to his chest and hugging him with one arm, the other tilting Keiji’s chin upwards, while he closed his eyes to press a short kiss to the other’s mouth, tasting every inch of it. It tasted like sea salt and the peppermints Keiji had brought with him one time. “He is, but geez, we really have to work on your social skills!” He laughed a little. “Nevertheless, I’ll tell you more about him and his human companion on our way, alright? And you heard him; if everything goes well, we can come back and spend some time with them! How’s that sound?”

Keiji nodded, and he took it as a good sign.

“Alright then, let’s hurry! The faster we reach the shoal, the faster we can come back!”

Hands still entwined, they set off together. 

Koutarou felt good, for once. Almost hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who would've thunk that tetsurou is a Cephaloscyllium, a genus of catsharks
> 
> lemme know whatcha think once im awake again
> 
> (edit) i just woke up and did like a job placement test and it told me that my emotional stability is a 3/100 and my empathy is a solid 8/100, so yeah, im doing good


	3. Darüber, wie man einen kleinen Garten über der Lava abgestorbener Gefühle anbaut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this chapter is basically pure fluff (with a little angst sprinkled in, because i cant do without that) and very dialogue-heavy.  
> nothing's really going on, i'm just developing these characters. and yes, it's short, but i just wanna get to the juicy stuff; patience isnt one of my traits
> 
> title is a reference to erich maria remarque:
> 
> “No“, he said quickly. ”Never. Stay friends? Try to grow a small rose garden on the ashes of broken feelings? No, this will never work for you and me. It happens only after small affairs and it looks fake. Love should not be spoiled by friendship. The end is the end.“
> 
> dont let the angsty title fool you, i just did it for the aesthetic

Droplets hit the surface of the sea, mingling with it and becoming one. Like ripples in a pond, just way bigger.

Sighing, Koutarou stared up at it, his eyes straining to track the movements of every little tear that fell from the sky onto the sea. It was impossible, of course, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t try his best. There was always the chance for unlikely events to take place, after all.

His hands dug into the sand he was sitting on, small fish flitting around him as he stayed there, motionless. Or as good as motionless. Obviously he couldn’t just stop breathing _(not breathing – opening and closing his gills)_ or blinking, but that didn’t seem to disturb the fish, as they nudged his hand or nipped at his tail, not afraid of the predator. Maybe they simply didn’t know any better.

Keiji next to him shifted a little where he was seated, also staring upwards. His face was calm, peaceful even, as the gills on his side opened and closed slowly, not having to work hard now that he wasn’t doing any manual labour. His mouth still curled upwards a little, and his eyes creased at the corners. The beginning of a smile?

He apparently had noticed Koutarou’s staring _(not that he’d been very inconspicuous)_ because he fixed his gaze on Koutarou, deciding to watch him instead of the spectacle above them. “It’s beautiful from beneath,” he commented. “When you’re not directly involved in it.”

Koutarou nodded a little before his mind had even registered the words. “I suppose it is. It’s calmer somehow, isn’t it? More muted, subdued.”

And it was – storms and heavy rainfalls above were dangerous at times, menacing and often with the intent to hurt. Koutarou knew they weren’t, of course, at least not on purpose _(not a higher power, Keiji had explained, but simply forces of nature)_ , but he couldn’t shake the thought from his mind. Even if they didn’t endanger him per se, they’d almost taken Keiji’s life on multiple occasions, something that seemed so much worse than his own demise.

But down here, they seemed to be nothing more than a pretty little play to watch, just another thing that played out on its own, not affecting them in any way.

He’d met Keiji on a day like this.

Cold and rainy and dark.

It wasn’t as cold now, but the darkness had persisted; yet, with Keiji beside him the water seemed to shimmer, not as sombre and desolate.

Something pressed against his hand and he smiled a little as he curled his fingers around Keiji’s, rubbing his thumb against the back of his hand. It felt soft, not like the hand of somebody who’d lived and hunted underwater for their entire life. Maybe it’d never feel that way. It didn’t really matter.

The seaweed around them swayed in the waves, which tousled their hair and lightly tugged at their bodies. Koutarou slipped his hand out of Keiji’s grip and raised his arm, the fish that had been inspecting him quickly scattering. He watched them leave with clouded eyes, their little, colourful forms forever lost in the grey water.

Making a small humming noise in his throat, he draped his arm across Keiji’s shoulder, pulling the boy to him. Keiji didn’t fight it, instead laying his head on Koutarou’s collarbone and closing his eyes.

He rested his chin atop Keiji’s head as the other’s body heat seeped into his skin. Was it body heat if he was cold-blooded? Questions like this made his head hurt, so he didn’t think about it any further.

Though, if it wasn’t for Keiji, he wouldn’t know what being ‘cold-blooded’ meant at all. When the other had first mentioned it, he thought it had been an insult.

_“What?” Koutarou had scoffed, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “I’m not cold-blooded! People always say that I’m super nice and kind and stuff!” At Keiji’s disbelieving gaze he’d repeated himself. “I’m not cold-blooded!”_

_But then, comprehension had seeped into the other’s eyes, making them twinkle. His fingers had clutched the beach towel he had been sitting on. “Oh, you must’ve misunderstood,” he’d explained, “By cold-blooded I generally mean creatures whose body temperatures vary with that of the environment, like most fish. And you.”_

_Koutarou had felt dumb all of a sudden, and he’d sheepishly scratched his head. “Sorry,” he had muttered meekly, a blush creeping on his cheeks._

_“It’s fine,” Keiji had said, watching him with warm eyes._

He liked that about Keiji – his knowledge of things that didn’t even pertain to him, and his willingness to overlook Koutarou’s flaws.

Smiling at that particular memory, Koutarou watched Keiji’s relaxed face, his small, slightly upturned nose, his long, dark lashes, his pale skin in stark contrast to his raven black hair. Even amongst other merpeople, he was a beauty. Koutarou had had his own fair share of suitors – slim yet strong females, as well as muscular males – but none of them matched Keiji’s loveliness, his wit, his humour, his kindness or anything else that made him _himself._

The only ones that could maybe compare to him were the sunken, partly broken marble statues that sometimes could be found in the sand back when the shoal had still lived near the Peloponnese. Tetsurou and him had dug them out of their graves, examined them, compared them to their own bodies. It might have been their first contact with the human race, he couldn’t remember.

All that he could remember was the exceptional prettiness of those humans made of stone, of how soft their bodies had looked but how hard they’d felt to the touch.

Keiji didn’t feel like that; he was soft, squishy sometimes, and his hair moved in the light current, obscuring his face from time to time, giving him that air of mystery.

Koutarou could watch it all day.

His free hand found Keiji’s, and he entwined them once again. Keiji sighed contentedly against his skin, pressing his face a little more into Koutarou’s chest, making something inside him spark and light up with joy.

If it were up to him, they’d never separate, never be apart from one another.

He smiled against the other’s hair, which tickled his nose lightly. Carefully, he turned his head to the side.

The other stirred lazily in his arms. “Koutarou?” He muttered, voice sleepy and eyes still closed. His tail was curled around himself and he was leaning heavily against Koutarou.

Koutarou shushed him in the lowest voice he could muster, not wanting to wake the other. “It’s okay, I’m right here,” he murmured near Keiji’s ear. In response, Keiji twitched a little, not expecting the other’s voice to be so loud. Sheepishly, Koutarou rubbed at the nape of his neck, rubbing up to the back of his head. The skin there was a little marred and hurt, as if a small wound had just started healing. “Sorry,” he apologized.

“It’s fine,” Keiji replied, stretching a little but not leaving Koutarou’s comforting embrace. “I think we ought to talk anyway.”

The blood in Koutarou’s veins _(his cold blood)_ froze, and he stopped stroking Keiji’s arm for a split second. Nothing, _nothing_ good ever came from that sentence. He forced a smile onto his face, hoping that Keiji wasn’t paying any attention to him. “Sure,” he complied, voice laced with worry. It sounded wobbly, if he was honest with himself.

Keiji clicked his tongue a little. “Not like that,” he said, and Koutarou briefly wondered if he could read minds. Probably not. “Just about some things that have been bothering me. We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

Koutarou felt himself shake his head. “No, it’s alright,” he relented. “What do you wanna talk about?” Better to make it fast and painless than to drag it out.

Sighing, Keiji snuggled closer to Koutarou, although his eyes now were open, staring at the sea in front of them. “You’re all stiff,” he noted, “you still don’t fully trust me, do you?”

At that, Koutarou bristled. “Of course I trust you!”

Keiji chuckled, the sound loud in comparison to the silence that surrounded them. “I know you do.” He didn’t go into detail, instead choosing to press on. “I’m not quite sure how to address the issue,” he started, his other hand fiddling with a small shell next to him. “I’m not good at talking about stuff like that. Never have been.” He chuckled again, but this time the sound was humourless.

Koutarou squeezed his hand to let the other know he was still listening, but didn’t try to voice his opinion. If Keiji wanted to talk, he would listen.

“I’m sorry for what happened earlier, you know? For what happened with your friend.” He inhaled deeply _(unnecessary)_ and started gnawing on his lower lip. “Tetsurou. I think I scared him off. It happens from time to time. I freeze up and- I don’t know how to talk to people and then they get uncomfortable and leave. Obviously I’m also not very pretty look at, even I can see that, and-“

He rambled on, but Koutarou shushed him with a motion of his hand. “No, no! First of all, you’re not ugly and you don’t have to apologize for anything, Keiji. It’s my fault for showing you off like that. I should’ve warned you or-”

“It’s really not,” Keiji interjected, “I was rude and- I shouldn’t have… I mean. I just don’t know _how_ to deal with all these new situations and strangers in general.” 

Koutarou shrugged. “We got along well right from the start.”

Keiji snorted – a sound Koutarou hadn’t heard from him before. It sounded cute. “You saved my life, remember? I was half delirious the time we met.”

Perking up, Koutarou latched onto that. “You never told me why you were out there to begin with.” Curiously, he cocked his head to the side so he could watch the other better.

For a second, the sound of droplets hitting the water was all that could be heard, and Koutarou was afraid Keiji wasn’t going to answer, when he caught sight of the other’s face. It was tinted blue – he was _abashed_.

“I don’t _know,_ ” he answered. “I just… thought I saw something. And I wanted to know what it was. It was stupid.”

Koutarou laughed a little, which made Keiji look up at him with big, blue eyes. “I guess that’s only fair. We’re not that different then, after all.”

Keiji shook his head. “It was irrational.”

“And you’re saying me saving you wasn’t?” Koutarou retorted, while blue eyes followed his every movement. “I didn’t know you – it could’ve been a trap or something.”

Scoffing, Keiji turned to look at his nails instead. “Yeah, right. A trap. Right as I was drowning.”

Now it was Koutarou’s time to look abashed. “It could’ve been one! I’ve heard weirder stories that ended with our kind dying!”

Disbelieving, Keiji shook his head. “Anyway, we’re getting off-topic. There’s something else I’ve been wanting to talk about.” He cleared his throat a little, averting his eyes once again. “I think you’ve noticed that I’ve been acting… _off,_ recently.”

To encourage him to keep on talking, Koutarou nodded a little, keeping his mouth shut; this probably wasn’t the time to crack jokes or the like.

“It’s not your fault, or anything. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Keiji explained, his tone serious. “It’s always been like that, as long as I can remember.” He picked at his nails, and Koutarou laid his hand on top of his to stop the motion. Keiji sighed, grabbing it instead and playing with it. “It’s a kind of illness. It makes me-“ he gestured at himself- “act like that, even though that’s not really an excuse for my behaviour.”

Understanding, Koutarou kept him at an arm’s length to properly look into his eyes. “It’s alright, I understand,” he started, closely watching Keiji for any kind of reaction. “I’ve seen it before, in my shoal. Merpeople who slowly withered away because they simply _couldn’t_ function anymore or lost their will to live, merpeople who had to be cared for by others, but not because they were old or disabled or hurt. Well, at least not physically hurt. But it’s okay to be like that as long as you want to get better, and it’s okay to need help.” He smiled softly at Keiji.

The other averted his eyes, focusing on a small shoal of fish not too far away from them. “It’s not… _normal_ ,” he insisted, although his gaze seemed unsure. “Not normal, and it shouldn’t be like that. It’s a fault, a mistake of nature.”

Koutarou sighed. “Of course it shouldn’t be like that, but that doesn’t mean you’re worth any less or that you don’t deserve help, alright?” He let go of Keiji’s hand to place it on his head and ruffle the black hair there. Keiji made a small, undignified noise in the back of his throat and tried to swat his hand away.

“Still, you shouldn’t have to waste your time on somebody who’s broken and who can’t possibly pay you back in any way.” Keiji looked like a lost child, and even though Koutarou knew he wasn’t, that he was a functional adult _(most of the time)_ he just wanted to take the other into his arms. But he had a better idea.

Freeing himself from Keiji, Koutarou sat up a little and cupped Keiji’s face in his hands, making the other look at him. Their eyes locked and silently, Koutarou tried to convey his feelings. He felt a little stupid, but it was the gesture that counted, right? “Keiji, _Keiji –_ if I didn’t want this, I would’ve said something. I’m not a martyr – never have been, never will be. And as for the payment; being with you is payment enough, seeing you smile and laugh and all the other small things. Because I like you, and I think you might like me.”

Keiji snorted a little, his cheeks squished by Koutarou’s hands. “Are all merpeople this affectionate or is it just you?”

Koutarou broke into a grin. “Just me,” he announced, not letting go. “Although I’m doing my best to convert them. Anyway, don’t you maybe wanna answer the I-like-you-and-you-like me-part?”

Trying to shake his head but failing miserably because Koutarou’s grip kept him in place, Keiji rolled his eyes. “You’d be stupid to think I disliked you,” he finally muttered, and Koutarou took it as a win.

He squealed a little, pressing even harder on Keiji’s face and making the other wince ever so slightly. “Sorry,” Koutarou apologized, even though he most likely didn’t sound sorry, and let go of the other. Keiji didn’t seem to mind though, rubbing his slightly red cheeks and grumbling quietly. A question popped up in his head. “But do you like me, or do you like-like me?”

Keiji sighed, exasperated, and reached forwards to grab the back of Koutarou’s head, pulling him closer to plant a firm kiss on the other’s mouth. Koutarou could feel how the corners of his own mouth turned upwards as Keiji nipped at his lower lip, now cupping the side of his face with one hand, the other tangled in the hair at Koutarou’s neck. Koutarou’s own hands found their place at Keiji’s waist, keeping him in place.

When the other pulled away, Koutarou whined, but Keiji was already talking again. “Does that answer your question?”

Koutarou grinned dumbly, flashing his teeth. Keiji didn’t even flinch anymore. “I don’t know, does it?” He asked, watching Keiji roll his eyes a second time as colour _(cold, yet still so warm-looking)_ rose on the other’s face.

“You’re ridiculous,” Keiji uttered under his breath, completely defeated. After a few seconds of trying to get his breathing back under control, he straightened up, looking seriously at Koutarou once again. “Nevertheless-“ he bowed his head a little- “thank you. That is, for saving my life and going through the trouble of caring for me after all that. I greatly appreciate the effort.”

Not knowing what to say, Koutarou just stared at him, his mouth opening and closing. Was that normal human behaviour? He played along, nonetheless, maybe to please Keiji’s sense of formality, maybe just because he thought it was funny. “I accept your gratitude,” he answered, bowing as well. “It’s been an honour and I will continue to care for you, if that is fine with you.”

It was worth it, judging by the way Keiji smiled at him. “You didn’t need to bow,” he informed Koutarou, eyes twinkling.

Koutarou pouted a little. “Maybe I wanted to?”

That elicited a small laugh. He hoped he’d be able to hear Keiji laugh loudly one day. “Maybe.” Keiji looked back up at the sky, where the droplets continued to fall, oblivious as to what had happened below the surface. “Shouldn’t we be on our way?”

Koutarou shrugged a little. “Probably. But-“ he paused, his hand finding Keiji’s- “let’s stay here? Just a little longer, until the sky has cleared?”

Keiji shook his head, still chuckling. “You know it’s always raining here.”

Winking – which probably looked stupid because he could never get it to look right –, Koutarou blew him a kiss. Keiji’s face contorted and he groaned. “Then I guess we’ll just have to stay forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on another note, i hate accounting :)
> 
> also currently re-reading homestuck because i cant deal with all the recent additions, so i might just go offline for the next 15 years that it takes me to re-read all of that


	4. Intet menneske er en øy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was sad for a while and now i'm slightly less sad.
> 
> chapter title means "No man is an island", which is true because people are not land masses and also because human beings cant stand isolation for a very long time

Apparently not even a heavy rain shower like this one lasted forever.

The air above the surface – somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, Koutarou assumed – was fresh and smelled of something sweet and heavy, clogging his nostrils and leaving its aftertaste in his mouth. Koutarou just wished Keiji could experience it for himself, but his companion hadn’t been above the surface since his metamorphosis – not that Koutarou blamed him, of course.

Having had a few _(they were hard to come by, after all, unless you thrived down there as well)_ friends before he’d left the shoal that had been dwellers of the depths, he could totally understand Keiji’s aversion to the world above.

Still – Keiji probably missed breathing air and feeling the breeze on his skin, this last piece of humanity left in him, and he always looked so forlorn when Koutarou swum upwards, leaving him behind.

This was most likely dangerous, maybe even harmful, but they had to try.

Back then, Koutarou’s friends hadn’t cared much about leaving the safety of the ocean – then again, they hadn’t been human, they had never experienced the wonders and sensations that was a sunny, breezy afternoon. 

Keiji couldn’t handle the light of the sun, but if there was no sun, then surely it’d be alright?

They had gotten quite far in the few days that they’d been traveling together, especially considering that Keiji used to be human and had never swum such long distances before. Of course he had assured Koutarou that he’d used to swim a lot, but even then he would be no match for even a young merperson.

Koutarou preferred to travel by day – the light of the sun warming and guiding him – and sleep at night; a normal rhythm for a normal, diurnal being. It was efficient and it just felt better – at least for him.

Of course this made no sense to creature that only knew darkness. Even if Keiji didn’t say anything, Koutarou could see the sometimes pained look on his face, clear as daylight, or the way he avoided particularly bright spots, how he dwelled in the shadows and swam a little deeper during the brightest hours of the day.

And it hurt him. He didn’t want Keiji to have to be considerate of him and putting his own wellbeing at risk; it just shouldn’t have to be like that. He wanted to bring it up, wanted to confront Keiji about it, but then he thought better of it.

So he decided to take a break when the sun was at its highest point and slowly declining downwards. They hadn’t managed to travel that far today, but there really was no rush or time limit, was there? Claiming that he was hungry _(it wasn’t a complete lie)_ and that he needed to rest for a while, Keiji just shrugged his shoulders and settled down on the bottom, watching the fish flitter around him as Koutarou tried to catch one. 

When he felt Keiji’s eyes on him, the stare piercing him, he tumbled a little, losing his balance.

Keiji chuckled quietly into his fist, his eyes crinkling up with hidden laughter.

Koutarou tumbled again, this time on purpose. It elicited a similar response.

He smiled to himself, turning his head away so Keiji couldn’t see his face, and noted it in the back of his head for future use. Who knew that such a small thing could lift Keiji’s mood?

Nevertheless, he still was hungry. When he finally managed to avert his gaze from Keiji, there were no more fish nearby, each and every scared away by his antics. Koutarou sighed, scanning the lush area around him, crowded by seaweeds and algae and other greenery he couldn’t name.

Keiji probably could.

Koutarou shook his head to get of any lingering, distracting thoughts and ventured further towards the forest of marine plants, leaving Keiji sitting on a small grey rock, his tail curling around it. He gave Koutarou a thumbs up, and then went straight back to examining the shells on the ground.

When Koutarou raised his hand to brush the seaweeds aside, they felt slimy and slightly warm on his fingertips, as if they were pulsating with life. They brushed against his face and bare torso, making his flesh crawl ever so slightly. Swaying in the light current, dark green against the pale sand, they looked like something else, something more… _sinister_.

The water here was murkier than outside the small forest, weighed down by the stench of rotting plants and small animals that hadn’t found their way outside the maze in time. Koutarou averted his eyes when he saw a small bone poking out from under a big leaf on the ground, tiny and white.

Swooshing around him, the water was uncaring.

What did it matter to the sea if there was a little blood in the water?

He shuddered, hugging himself to shield his body from whatever was out there, in here, around him.

Koutarou was painfully aware of the small wound at the back of his head, maybe still leaking, and for a moment he wondered if there was larger predator with a better sense of smell than him somewhere out there.

Probably, right?

The greenery was engulfing him, it disoriented him and made him dizzy. It was green everywhere he looked – on his left, his right, it even blocked out most of the light of the sun.

Glancing to the side, something shiny, white disappeared behind another curtain of seaweeds. It was a swift, fast movement, almost too fast for the naked eye, but it was unmistakably there. He narrowed his eyes, his gaze swivelling around to notice even the slightest motion round him as his tail created patterns in the sand.

There, on his right side, didn’t that look like a thin, spindly hand clutching a large green stem of some kind, curling around it, its nails a sickly shade of yellow and the skin withered and old?

Carefully he swum closer and examined it… no, it was just a strangely shaped piece of wood. Of course, why would someone besides them be there? He was obviously just getting hungry or tired or something, that was all. If he were to just leave the forest and find Keiji, then he’d get a plausible explanation.

Koutarou laughed quietly to resolve the tension, but it didn’t do much more than creating the feeling that someone was listening to him.

The sea was eerily quiet.

He backed away a little, not taking his eyes off the offending object, his hand brushing seaweed and algae which he paid no mind. When there were a few metres between him and the wooden hand, he turned around and observed the area once more. Something rustled in the thicket beside him.

Koutarou held his breath, his eyes darting back and forth, searching for a stick or something to defend himself with. The rustling grew louder, until he saw the seaweeds move, for once not swayed by the current but by something else.

Something pale emerged, and he visibly exhaled, the tension leaving his body. Just a fish. Of course there was nothing here.

But if it wasn’t here- then was it perhaps outside, waiting for him to leave?

_Or had it already found Keiji?_

The blood in his veins froze up and the cold crawled through his body, leaving his limbs trembling – not fearing for his own safety, but for his companion’s.

He gasped out loud, his body tensing again and hastily he brushed the thicket aside to move through it, all thoughts of someone being in here with him cast aside. His hand got tangled in algae and impatiently he tore them out instead of wasting time by detangling himself. They stuck to his skin like small barnacles, wrapping tighter around his arms and fingers, almost cutting off the blood flow.

Koutarou clicked his tongue and ripped them away, not waiting to see how they sunk to the ground _(or maybe they didn’t)_ and tried speeding up without entangling himself even more. Panicking would only make it worse, panicking wouldn’t help Keiji.

Something in his peripheral vision caught his eye and he turned his head slightly in its direction – something dark brown, red veins marring the off-white area around it, stared right back, the black dot in the middle enlarging. Then it blinked, a fleshy eyelid breaking their eye contact.

It was gone in a second.

He could think about it later on.

Koutarou willed himself to look away, to just think about something else, and pushed forwards, until he broke through the wall separating him from the outside world and he could finally breathe again and the sun kissed his skin _and…_

Keiji was fine.

He still was sitting on the stone where Koutarou had left him, immersed in the shell in his hands and only looking up when Koutarou approached. He smiled slightly, teeth flashing behind closed lips, and Koutarou tried smiling back. It probably looked lopsided, but it was the best he could manage at the moment, with the fear still in his bones and poisoning his mind. 

Keiji raised one eyebrow, staring at him with an undecipherable gaze. “Something wrong?” He asked, looking intently at Koutarou, concern discernible in his eyes. His one raised eyebrow gave him an almost comical look.

Koutarou forced himself to smile wider, masking the fear that was building up in his stomach, thrumming in his veins and making his heart stutter. Only when he was sure that his voice wouldn’t waver or crack did he speak up. “No… no, everything’s fine. Just-“ He trailed off, leaving an awkward silence to settle between them.

“Just what?” Keiji inquired, cocking his head to the side, his gaze now suspicious. “What is it?”

Gulping nervously, he fiddled with his fingers, his eyes frantically darting from left to right. “It’s nothing, really – I’m just… I thought I saw… something.”

Hearing that, Keiji got up and swum over to where he was, peering around his broad frame to have a look at the forest. “Something… or _somebody_?” He asked, reaching out to brush the seaweed aside.

Koutarou experienced the movement in slow-motion; he saw how Keiji’s fingers curled, ready to grasp, saw how his eyes scanned the thicket in a calculating way.

_He couldn’t… He didn’t want Keiji to even touch the disgusting thing, didn’t want it to taint his companion._

“No,” he intervened, holding onto the other’s arm, his grip steady even though his hand trembled. “No, you shouldn’t…” Koutarou didn’t finish the sentence, didn’t need to.

Keiji’s gaze was curious and full of questions, but Koutarou was glad when he stayed silent, only eyeing the forest.

He didn’t have any answers.

Not in regards to why Keiji shouldn’t go into there. _(Intuition.)_

Not in regards to what the thing in the forest was. _(It.)_

Nothing – there was just the empty, gaping void left by his own questions. Because, as it seemed, some of them just didn’t have answers and some of the answers just provided more questions.

And maybe he didn’t want to know the answer.

Maybe he was better off not knowing what any of this meant.

Koutarou quickly shook his head to get rid of these thoughts and tried to smile at Keiji once again, softening his grip on the other’s arm but still keeping him in place. “It’s probably nothing,” he tried, and although his voice sounded out of breath and a few octaves too high, Keiji didn’t press for any more details.

Instead, the boy nodded, his lips pressed shut tightly and his gaze still cautious, not breaking away from the thicket. “I guess you’re right,” he conceded, and Koutarou could feel Keiji’s muscles move beneath his own fingers as he clenched and unclenched his hand.

The sea around them was quiet except for the ever-present lull of the water. 

Keiji cleared his throat. “I also suppose we should keep moving, if you’re done here.” He shot one last, uneasy look at the forest before fixing his gaze on Koutarou; his eyes slightly darker than the colour of the water that surrounded them.

He shook his head. “No, I want to stay here a little while longer. All of this… exhausted me, y’know?” Koutarou laughed a little, his hand at the back of his head.

_Scabbed over._

The other scanned him. “Then we will stay here a little while longer, I assume.” It really wasn’t a question; more of a statement.

Koutarou nodded nonetheless. “Yeah, I guess. I want to keep an eye on the forest. But-“ he broke off, looking intently into Keiji’s eyes- “promise me that you won’t go into there, no matter what, alright?”

Keiji seemed hesitant at first, gnawing on his lower lip, his eyes clouded over, but Koutarou shook his arm a little and that seemed to snap him out of his reverie. “Yes, of course, I- sure. I promise.”

He grinned at Keiji, relieved, warmth flooding his chest. “Pinky promise?”

Exasperated, Keiji nodded. “Pinky promise.” He promptly held out his hand, extending the little finger, and Koutarou happily obliged, wrapping his own pinky around Keiji’s and shaking their hands in unison. “You’re so ridiculous,” Keiji commented, but there was no venom in his voice.

When they detangled their hands again, Koutarou looked upwards. The sun still was high in the sky, although it had sunken a little, glaring at them with less power. It illuminated Keiji’s pale skin, and he narrowed his eyes when looking at Koutarou, shielding them from the brightness.

Koutarou sighed, grabbing his unoccupied hand and dragging him along, away from the thicket and towards the small rock that Keiji had been sitting on before. It wasn’t very big, but still big enough to provide shade for at least one of them. He pushed him down, and Keiji exhaled softly when he was out of the sun’s reach, closing his eyes slightly and leaning his head onto the cool surface of the rock. There were shadows beneath his eyes.

Plopping down next to him, Koutarou combed his free hand through the warm sand on the ground, little grains and stones getting stuck beneath his nails in the process. He felt Keiji’s gaze on him. “Shoot,” he said, sighing. It was inevitable, of course Keiji would have questions.

Keiji hummed quietly, combing his fingers through the sand as well, mirroring Koutarou’s movements. His hands seemed so delicate in comparison to Koutarou’s own, even though the palm of his hand was slightly bigger. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he started, choosing his words carefully, “but what scared you that much in there?”

Koutarou scoffed, puffing his chest out. “I wasn’t scared!” When Keiji gave him an unbelieving look, he relented a little, “I was just cautious. I don’t know who was in there with me – or if there even was anyone besides me. I don’t really wanna know either to be honest.” He suppressed a shudder, grasping Keiji’s hand a little tighter. “All that counts is that we’re safe, right?”

The other nodded and shrugged at the same time. “I suppose so. Have you eaten anything?”

Shaking his head, Koutarou denied. “I don’t think I’ll find anything today, either. Maybe tomorrow. Can we stay here for the night? I don’t think I can go on for today.”

Keiji shrugged half-heartedly. “It’s your decision, really,” he said, picking at his nails. “I wouldn’t know where to go without you, so I can’t go on alone. Nevertheless, I don’t mind staying here for a while. It’s nice if you can block out the creepy forest.”

He snorted. “Yeah, it’s really pretty here. Got that calm vibe – it actually kind of reminds me of home, y’know?” Koutarou tilted his head back, looking up at the surface of the sea where the waves rolled slowly and the light broke through.

“How so?” Keiji inquired, looking at him, his head on the place where his knees would be if he still had any.

“Just does,” Koutarou replied easily. “It’s hard to describe – I wouldn’t even know what to call home, really. We travelled a lot.”

Keiji furrowed his brows. “But surely you stayed somewhere for a longer time, at least when you were younger, right?”

That wasn’t very hard to answer. “Yeah, of course. I was born near Greece, actually. Grew up and lived there for the longest time, until we moved away. That’s where I met Tetsurou as well.” He grinned a little as memories of the things they’d done flashed through his mind.

“You don’t look very Greek to me,” Keiji commented. “You’re kind of pale, not what I’d imagine an Adonis to look like.” As if trying to prove what he just had said, he raised Koutarou’s hand into the direct sunlight, which was now slowly diminishing.

It was indeed very white.

Koutarou grinned. “Guess that’s where my name comes into play.”

But Keiji wasn’t done with him. “Koutarou isn’t a Greek name either – sounds rather Japanese. How come?”

Keiji really picked up on every little clue. Koutarou was impressed. “I gave it to myself shortly before I left the shoal – I had heard of mercreatures living in the waters around Japan and I thought it’d help me fit in. And then I liked it and it stuck with me.”

It was quiet while Keiji tried to come up with an appropriate answer. “I guess that makes sense.”

The sun was almost gone now, and Keiji spread himself out in the ever-expanding shadow of the rock, lying flat on his stomach, his head resting on his arms and looking up at Koutarou – he looked so sweet, so innocent from above.

Koutarou cleared his throat and watched as the sinking sun painted the water around them a reddish hue. “There’s something I want to show you.”

“Hm?” Keiji’s almond-shaped eyes widened slightly, only noticeable if you really paid attention to it. “What is it?” His tail swished around in the water behind him, darting from side to side.

He pointed upwards. “It’s above the surface. C’mon, don’t give me that look-“ Keiji had screwed his face up at the mention of ‘surface’- “I’m sure it’s fine if it’s already dark outside. If you want, we can wait a few more minutes until the sun’s gone for good?”

Keiji groaned, squeezing his eyes shut in what Koutarou hoped wasn’t annoyance. “I appreciate the sentiment but I don’t know if it would be such a good idea,” he remarked, his voice barely audible.

Koutarou shrugged. “Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, right? I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Actually, don’t answer that.” He puckered up his lips. “Please? Pretty please? I’m sure you miss the world above, don’t you?”

Okay, the look Keiji shot him was definitely dirty now, but to be fair, he deserved it. He shook his head, and for a second Koutarou was scared that it hadn’t worked and that it had all been for naught, but Keiji relented. “Alright, alright. Just this once, though,” he grumbled, still scowling.

“You won’t regret it!” Koutarou burst with joy on the inside, his fingertips tingling with zest for action. It was dark now; darker than even the wildest storm or the deepest cave he’d ever been in.

Well, maybe not that dark – the light of the moon illuminated everything in a soft light; Keiji’s contours, his pale skin, the calm thicket, the rock from before. Everything was there, just… somehow quieter, more peaceful.

He grabbed Keiji’s hand, dragging him upwards. The other made a small huffing sound as he was dragged across the sand and brushed some it of it off before catching up with Koutarou who was single-mindedly striving towards the surface.

Water splashed around him when he emerged from the water, the sound kind of muted.

With a _pop!_ the pressure on his ears, that sometimes appeared when he dived really deep and then came back up again, disappeared and the sounds of the night filled his mind – the whispering of the water, the tired cries of lone birds, a ship far, far away.

A second splash alerted him of Keiji’s presence. Expectantly he looked at him, grinning. Keiji stared back. The white of his eyes shone in the darkness.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” He asked, waiting for the other to answer. Hopefully Keiji would find it pretty as well.

Keiji nodded, dumbstruck, his mouth opened a little. “It’s pretty,” he echoed hollowly, his gaze finding the stars in the night sky, darting around as if seeing them for the first time. They were reflected in his eyes, like the million tiny lights that he sometimes saw during summer when the humans were on the streets in the city, dancing and laughing and singing. "I spent so long in the darkness, I'd almost forgotten how beautiful the moonlight was."

Koutarou tilted his head back as well, finding Keiji’s hand beneath the water and grasping it lightly, staring up at the moon. Keiji had told him a lot about it – that it orbited the earth and that it was responsible for the tides and that the sun illuminated it.

He gave a strong flap of his tail and laid on his back, his body swaying on the waves. Keiji did the same, and soon enough they were floating alongside each other, staring up at the sky and searching for shooting stars and the red, blinking lights Keiji had called _planes._

Grinning a little he nudged Keiji, drawing the other’s attention to himself. He gestured towards their bodies that floated in small circles on the surface of the sea. “We orbit each other like the moon orbits the earth, don’t we?”

Keiji huffed a little laugh. “I suppose we kind of do, Koutarou,” he answered, and Koutarou glanced at him. His black hair was sprawled out around his head, his milky skin shining in the moonlight. “I guess that just means we’ll be together for a long time then, doesn’t it? Just as the moon will orbit us for a very long time.”

He nodded, bedding his head in the water again. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

The stars twinkled around them, up in the sky and on the water, a thousand tiny, glittering pinpricks, inconsequentially small and cold but beautiful nonetheless.

Keiji exhaled. “Me neither.”

And the sea and the sky were one for once, for Keiji had made them whole.


	5. Eu beberia o mar se você fosse o sal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter and we're done, i think.  
> Unless i get a super good idea which'll enable me to drag this out til the day i die
> 
> chapter title means something along the lines of "I would drink the sea if you were the salt"

A few days later, their surroundings changed once again. The water was warmer here, more lush and lively and everything seemed a lot more colourful. Schools of fish swum around them most of the time, not even slightly put off by the fact that Koutarou was half shark and thus their natural enemy.

Gradually, Koutarou recognized more and more landmarks from when he’d first passed these grounds, and excitedly he told Keiji everything he knew about them. Which wasn’t a lot, but at least it filled the perpetual silence.

And so it wasn’t very long until they reached Koutarou’s old shoal.

The settlement didn’t exactly look the way it had when he’d left it – mainly because it wasn’t even in the same place anymore.

But then again, all villages and settlements he came across looked relatively the same, so maybe that was why it seemed familiar. Though, it was a miracle that he managed to distinguish this one from the others at all. Maybe it was due to the familiar faces he spotted from afar.

A few hundred metres away, he suddenly stopped, making Keiji almost swim into him. The shorter boy raised one eyebrow, expectantly looking at him as if silently asking _‘Well, why don’t we go on?’._ Koutarou stared at the village for a few seconds and then fixed his gaze on Keiji. “I think it’d be better if you didn’t come into the village with me for now,” he said, remembering their encounter with Tetsurou and how his best friend had reacted. If that was how the people he trusted answered to newly-turned merpeople, he didn’t even want to imagine how the others would react to a newcomer like Keiji.

Keiji seemed to follow his train of thought. “That’s understandable, given the circumstances,” he conceded, fiddling with his hands and staring at the ground. He seemed sad, somehow.

“Hey,” Koutarou called softly, lifting his chin with his one hand to look the other in the eyes. “Don’t worry, it won’t be for long. I’ll get you once I’ve found the healer, and then everything will be alright, yeah?” He could see his own reflection in Keiji’s dark eyes, saw his own worry, and he willed himself to smile – if not for himself, then at least for his companion.

Nodding, Keiji didn’t avert his gaze. “Alright, I trust you. Please don't do anything too stupid.” He leaned forwards and pecked Koutarou on the cheek, just a short touch of his lips, and then freed himself from Koutarou’s grip, slowly swimming away, most likely to find a cave or the like.

Koutarou watched him leave, absentmindedly rubbing the spot where Keiji’s lips had touched his cheek, until the other was only a small dot in the distance, indistinguishable from the rocks. He sighed, steeling himself and making his way towards the village.

And it really was a village by this time.

He only ever remembered the shoal living in caves near the cliffs and coasts, but apparently even that had become too dangerous nowadays and they had permanently settled on some remote place in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Real houses, made of stones and decorated with shells and colourful seaweed adorned the sandy path on both sides, and there were arrangements of marine plants near them, mirroring human gardens. It looked idyllic, but something seemed off.

As Koutarou ventured into the village, he could feel the people staring at him, from behind fences and through windows, could hear their whispers as they quietly talked amongst themselves.

_“Ganymede came back?”_

_“Back from where, though?_

_“What does he think he’s doing here?”_

_“I don’t know, he just disappeared back then, didn’t he?”_

_“No, not Ganymede, don’t you remember? Koutarou; that’s what he named himself.”_

He tried to block the chatter out, focusing solely on the path in front of him that led through the settlement. It was hard to ignore their harsh words and the rumours that seemed to surround him, but he would endure everything for Keiji, for their life together.

Suddenly a hand grasped his biceps and twirled him around. “Hey, Koutarou!” A cheery, if tired, voice resounded in his ears and he froze for a second before he involuntarily started smiling, the corners of his eyes crinkling up in delight.

He spun around, lifting the smaller girl up and hugging her. “Yukippe! It’s so good to see you!” He greeted back, taking her in as she tangled one of her hands into the hair at the back of his head and patted him on his back with the other one, signalling for him to let her go unless he wanted her to suffocate.

She still was as pretty as always, her relatively short, reddish-brown hair flowing around her and her usual, crooked smile on her lips, quirking upwards ever so slightly. Her tail still had its sinuous shape and green colour, which allowed her to blend in with the waving blades of eelgrass. Sometimes Koutarou envied her for that – there really was no way for him to be inconspicuous with a tail as giant as his own.

Yukie looked at him as well, taking in his appearance before picking up the bag made out of byssal threads she had dropped. Knowing her, it was probably food. “I haven’t seen you for a very long time,” she finally commented, and Koutarou was taken aback by the warmth in her eyes.

He cleared his throat. “I suppose so, yeah. Haven’t seen you in forever, either.”

Sniggering, the petite girl held a hand in front of her mouth. “I’m not the one who left the shoal, though.”

Koutarou shrugged a little. “Does it matter? I’m back now, ain’t I?” She spun around and waved a little for him to follow her, so he obliged. “Things have changed around here, I assume?”

Yukie sighed. “Of course they have. Change is inevitable.” She looked around with something in her eyes that resembled sadness. “A lot of our elders died, you know?”

“Oh.” Koutarou hadn’t known. Koutarou also didn’t know what to say to that. He scratched the back of his head. “That’s… unfortunate. How come?”

“A really nasty story,” she started explaining, albeit a little reluctantly. “On our way here, we got lost in the South Pacific Gyre – do you know what that is?” When Koutarou shook his head, she continued. “It’s a sort of oceanic desert; not much life is in there, which just makes every drop of food that much more valuable. The animals that pass through the gyres usually depend on plankton. But instead, they're finding – and thus eating – plastic.” She dragged a hand across her face. “It’s really bad, not just because plastic isn't particularly nutritious, but because the plastics suck up the toxics humans pollute the ocean with. And if these chemicals are eaten by fish, they eventually make their way up the food chain. To us. A lot of our people ate these fish and got horribly sick, especially the ones with weaker immune systems.”

Koutarou nodded, because honestly, what could he say? It had been _his_ people that had died, even if he hadn’t liked most of them. “A lot of our elders, huh? Do you know if-“

Yukie interrupted him. “Your mother didn’t make it.”

He smiled, but there was no humour or happiness in it. “It figures. Did she at least… pass away peacefully?” Because damn him for not being with her when he she had died and damn him if she had been in pain the entire time.

Smiling back slightly, she nodded. “She did. She just slept in. There’s a graveyard near the back of the village, and although her body isn’t buried there, she still has one- a grave, I mean. You might want to visit it sometime.”

Koutarou thanked her and tried to broach a new subject to make the pity in her eyes disappear. His own eyes burnt, and if he could cry, he probably would. “What else is new? Is our healer still alive?”

They passed by other houses and new faces that Koutarou didn’t recognize; they stared at him, their eyes narrowing in distrust. There were no old merpeople to be seen.

Yukie hummed in thought beside him, her bag swaying in the current. “Is that why you’re here? But no, sorry, our old healer died as well-“ Koutarou wanted to interrupt, but before he could do that, she continued- “our old healer may not be alive anymore, but Eita and Kenjirou have taken her place. They’re obviously not as good yet, but together they’re a sufficient replacement.”

Koutarou exhaled slowly, the tension leaving his body. “Geez, you had me worried there for a second,” he breathed out, one hand on his chest to calm his erratic heartbeat.

The girl beside him chuckled. “Sorry, maybe I should’ve started with that. But say, what do you need a healer for?” She inquired, eyeing him curiously. “For the little-“ she tapped the back of her own head- “wound there?”

Self-consciously he reached at the back of his own skull, feeling the scabs, before nodding. “Yeah,” he said, because most of the time lying was easier than the truth. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m here for. I got a blow to the head and it still hurts from time to time so I wanted to get it checked.”

Yukie nodded seriously. “That’s admirable; better safe than sorry. But honestly, that’s the reason you came back? We’ve missed you, Koutarou.”

He smiled at her. “I’ve missed you too, Yukippe. It’s been a long time.” Turning his head to the side, Koutarou observed the area. “Our people – or rather the ones that are left – don’t really like that I’m here, do they?”

Koutarou could see how she fiddled with the bag in her hand as she heaved a sigh. “I guess not, no. They didn’t like it when you left, you know? They said it was against our nature. But it’ll only become better over time, I’m sure!”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he most likely wouldn’t stay. “So what about the others? How’s Konoha doing? Or Komi?”

Yukie’s smile was back again in an instant. “They’re both fine. Still doing a lot of stupid stuff, but they’re good guys. I’ve actually gotten-“ she raised the bag upwards for him to see- “some food because we want to cook together. Why don’t you join us? I’m sure they won’t mind.”

His mouth immediately began to water, but he pulled himself together, scolding himself mentally. “Maybe later,” he said, giving the food an apologetic look, “I wanna stop by Eita’s first. Do you know where he’s at?”

Yukie seemed to understand – she always did. “Of course, it’s right there.” Her index finger was directed at a cave near the village, maybe a few hundred metres away. “Just come by later if you’re feeling up to it, yeah?” She now pointed to a well-decorated house on the east side of the village. “It’s right there, you just have to follow the path. See you!”

With that, she gave him a soft peck on the cheek _(not the one Keiji had kissed earlier)_ and then took off, humming to herself as she went, her arms swinging around.

Whistling quietly, he tried to ignore the others’ malevolent stares and headed towards the direction Yukie had shown him. The cave seemed completely normal; not that he knew what a healer’s cave should look like. He never really had been to one before, seeing as there had been no need for it.

The grey face of the rock felt cool to the touch, although that was to be expected. Koutarou knocked against it with the knuckle of his index finger – why? No idea, he just felt like it.

He went into the opening, his eyes having to adjust to the change in lighting. Algae clung to the walls, making them shimmer in cold green and blue hues, and from far away he could hear bickering. Of course.

“I _told_ you that you did it the wrong way! Why don’t you ever listen to me? Literally, I could be talking to one of these boring stone walls as well, there would be no difference!” An exasperated-sounding voice shouted and Koutarou winced a little at the reverberation.

Before he could yell back to announce himself, another voice had already answered. “Oh yeah? And who are you to tell me what to do, huh? We’re on the same level, whether you like it or not. The only difference between us is that you’re slightly older, so maybe you should start acting your age or-“

Okay, that definitely was enough.

Koutarou saw weak light emitted by a large opening in the wall _(another room)_ and he immediately went inside, both voices stopping abruptly. Silence enveloped the three of them as they stared at each other.

He was the first one to speak up. “Hey?” He started hesitantly, fiddling with his fingers.

Two pairs of eyes stared back.

Eita opened his mouth and then closed it again. “I _told_ you he wasn’t dead.”

Kenjirou shot him a nasty glare. “I never said he was. I merely speculated and that was the most likely option.”

The ash-blond rolled his brown eyes. “Same difference.” He gave Koutarou a grim smile as his hands continued to work a kind-of greenish-looking dough on a stone surface. It stuck to both the surface and his skin. His eyes were narrowed, and his tail continued to flap agitatedly behind him. Its sides were a dark blue, almost black with a greyish-green iridescence. A series of small yellow fins, edged in black, ran from his second dorsal fin to the tail.

Koutarou stared right back, not daring to say anything or to even avert his gaze, until Eita reached for something that looked like a knife and held it to his forearm, pressing down with a little force.

He didn’t look away when blood welled up and the scent wafted over to him, as Eita pressed his open wound to the dough, kneading the fluid into it, making it change colours almost immediately. Koutarou hazily remembered him saying that his blood contained little amounts of mercury, and he wondered what kind of medicine used _mercury_ , of all things.

He shuddered.

Eita wiped the rest of his arm clean, wrapped it in a few byssal threads that formed something akin to a linen cloth, and then fixed his gaze on Koutarou again. “You don’t look that different,” he commented leisurely, as if talking to an old friend.

Kenjirou next to him _tsk_ -ed. “Of course he doesn’t, it hasn’t been _that_ long.”

The smaller boy seemed to be everything that Eita was not – petite, small, cute. Sometimes Koutarou wondered how he even managed to survive around here. Literally.

Kenjirou was part koi – there really was no explanation for why he could survive in the salt water, but he did. Maybe it was simply out of spite. His tail had a bronze shimmer to it, matching his hair, and he had long, flowing fins, which weren’t really practical for hunting – which was probably the main reason why he’d chosen to go into medicine.

He was also currently scowling at Koutarou. “Why are you here?” He asked, not even trying to be friendly.

Eita nudged him a little with his elbow. “Be a little nicer to your elders, won’t you?” He hissed and Kenjirou clicked with his tongue in distaste. Then, Eita redirected his attention to him once again, folding his hands in front of his body. “We haven’t seen you for quite a while,” he commented, “so what brings you here, Koutarou?”

Grinning at him, Koutarou said, “Always so formal, Eita!” He bowed a little _(because that was what you did when you met healers, even he knew that much)_ and then rushed forwards to envelop the other in a hug. Eita patted him on the back, not unlike Yukie but at the same time way clumsier.

Kenjirou snorted but before he could make a snide remark, Koutarou had pulled him into the hug as well. The smaller merman protested at first which didn’t seem to help, so he stopped struggling to sigh and accept his fate.

Unfortunately, the hug didn’t last long as Kenjirou was the first one to pull away, brushing himself off as if Koutarou and Eita had dirtied him somehow. He cleared his throat. “You left the shoal and now you’ve come back, and I highly doubt that your only incentive was the wish to hug us, am I correct?” His eyes were serious and his face didn’t betray his emotions. 

Koutarou nodded; his throat felt constricted. “That’s true,” he finally admitted, and Eita clicked his tongue, crossing his arms over his chest and cocking his head to the side.

“C’mon Koutarou, spit it out, we don’t have all day.”

Picking at the smooth surface of his tail and digging his nails into it, Koutarou’s eyes darted from side to side. “Yeah, so… uhm… I don’t know how to- it’s difficult to explain and, like, you probably won’t believe it because- it’s really, _really_ weird and-“

Kenjirou facepalmed, groaning in what Koutarou assumed to be annoyance. “Stop beating around the bush, for god’s sake!” Eita shot him a sharp look, but Kenjirou didn’t budge. “See, we _want_ to help you, but we can’t if you don’t tell us how to.”

He steeled himself, sorted his thoughts and started anew. “So I met this human-“ He didn’t come very far before Kenjirou interrupted him again.

“That’s what you’ve come here for? A human? Really?” His eyes bulged in disbelief and he sounded exasperated. Koutarou shrank back a little, but to his surprise, Eita intervened, glaring daggers at the younger merman.

“That’s enough, Kenjirou!” His voice sounded angry, and Kenjirou seemingly wanted to retort something snippy but then reconsidered at the last second. He snapped his mouth shut, only scowling at both of them. “Go on, Koutarou,” Eita urged him to continue, his voice sickly sweet, “so you met a human. And then?”

Koutarou nodded. “Right. So I’ve met this human – his name is Keiji, by the way – and we got along pretty well-“ Kenjirou snorted, but neither of them paid him any attention- “and he was very smart and thoughtful and…” He trailed off, voice growing smaller and smaller.

Eita seemed to ponder over what he’d said. “He _was_ very smart and thoughtful? Not _‘he is’_?”

Shaking his head, Koutarou tried to manage a smile. “See, that’s the fun part. He isn’t… well, _human,_ anymore.”

Kenjirou and Eita exchanged a look, silently communicating; Koutarou felt left out, glancing between them. They didn’t seem to believe him if the looks they shared were any indicator. The copper-haired boy was the first to speak. “He isn’t human anymore? Then what is he?”

The cave was quiet as both healers waited for an answer. “He turned into a merman. I was there when it happened.”

Eita whispered something in Kenjirou’s ear and the other nodded ever so slightly. “Are you sure?” He inquired, his tone sceptical. Koutarou didn’t blame him.

“I’m sure – he’s waiting just outside the village. I didn’t want to- expose him to them any more than I necessarily have to, you know?” He gnawed on his lower lip at the thought of Keiji being completely alone in an area he didn’t know, in a world he probably didn’t understand.

Kenjirou sighed, massaging his temples with his thumb and index finger. “It’s not unheard of – humans turning into merpeople, that is – but it’s extremely rare. For you to experience such an event is…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

Koutarou perked up nonetheless. “So you believe me?” Hope started to swell up in his chest and his forced smile turned a little more real.

The ashen-haired boy hummed, as if in thought. “I guess that’s what we’re trying to say, yeah. You wouldn’t have any reason to lie to us.” He halted for a second before resuming his line of thought. “So that’s why you came to us? So we could, what, turn him back? Explain to you how something like that works?”

His head bobbed up and down in excitement. “Some answers would be neat! I- he doesn’t talk much, but I think he’s scared and a little reassurance would do us good. I don’t think he wants to become human again, though, but that’s up to him, in the end.”

Eita seemed to think about what he’d said, his fingers once again working the now blueish dough. Seriously, what was that stuff? “That’s very thoughtful of you,” he commented, and Koutarou felt pride join the emotional cocktail he was currently experiencing. It felt good to be praised for once.

He looked at Kenjirou _(not that he was expecting any praise from him)_ but the other didn’t seem to be paying attention to what was going on around him. His gaze was on the ground of the cave, his face contorted. Eita nudged him slightly with his elbow, way softer than before, and his eyes snapped back upwards, disoriented. “Sorry,” he apologized half-heartedly, his voice off, “I just… it seems weird.” When he saw Koutarou’s face, he hastened to add, “but I’m sure what you’re saying is true, no doubt. Bring him here tomorrow, okay? I think we-“ he gestured to himself and Eita- “have to talk about some… stuff first.”

Sometimes Koutarou really felt as if Kenjirou assumed he were stupid. Koutarou nodded nonetheless and Eita shot him an apologetic look, raising one eyebrow as if saying ‘ _Well, what can you do?’._ He waved a little as he exited the cave, the chatter behind him now subdued as if they didn’t want anyone to overhear what they were talking about.

Koutarou didn’t want to hear it either. He just wanted to get back to Keiji and…

His stomach growled.

Maybe he should stop by at Yukie’s first, and take up her offer of dinner and a nice chat with old friends.

That decision wasn’t a hard one to make.

The whispers around him picked up in volume once again and hurriedly he made his way over to his friend’s house.

Surely Keiji would understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're interested (although its not that important):
> 
> Yukie = Bay Pipefish  
> Kenjirou = Chagoi  
> Eita = Pacific bluefin tuna
> 
> not to be biased and dramatic or anything but semi and akaashi are literally the prettiest anime boys ive ever seen like... woah  
> prettiest girl awards go to yui and alisa tbh. like, both of them could step on me and i'd thank them


	6. Fluctuat nec mergitur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've done it, folks!  
> the journey wasnt that long, but i'm glad that its finished. gonna sleep now for the next few weeks
> 
> chapter title means 'It is tossed by the waves but it does not sink'

A few minutes turned into a few hours and before he knew what was happening, night had descended over the sea, spreading its dark wings like a black coat and swallowing the light of day.

For once in a good mood, he said goodbye to his friends which saddened him a little considering he hadn’t seen them in forever, but it was all well and dandy. He could come back later, maybe even bring Keiji with him. Yukie kissed him on the cheek once again and Konoha slapped him on the back; then the curtain of seaweeds closed behind him, shutting them out for good. He could still hear their laughter and chatter as he made his way over to the edge of the village, avoiding everyone else on his path – not that hard in the middle of the night.

Koutarou hummed a quiet tune to himself, not thinking about anything in particular. His hands dangled loosely at his side, unclenched, as he took note of the buildings around him, barely looming over him.

It wasn’t hard to find Keiji if you knew what you were looking for – his black hair shimmered silvery in the milk light of the moon, spilling in from the entrance of the cave, as if it was made of silk. He was crouched in a small cave near the entrance of the village where they had parted that morning, staring listlessly at the stony wall in front of him, his eyes bloodshot.

When he heard Koutarou approach, he averted his gaze from the walls that surrounded him, wrapping his arms tighter around his tail that was drawn up to his chest. “You’re late,” he commented, and Koutarou was painfully aware of how brittle his voice sounded, of how long the other had been waiting here for him. 

He winced a little and then crouched down to match Keiji’s height, touching his arm only lightly so he wouldn’t startle the confused _(hurt)_ merman. “I’m sorry,” he started, scratching the back of his head, “I met some friends and forgot the time.” He tried to smile, but Keiji didn’t smile back. He only looked away, casting his eyes down and nodding a little.

“It’s fine,” Keiji murmured. It didn’t seem to be fine. His lips were a tight line, the rest of his face hidden by his dark hair. “Did you learn what you were looking for?”

At that, Koutarou nodded enthusiastically. “I totally did! Apparently our old healer died, but a few of my friends took her place and they’re willing to help us. Isn’t that great? We can visit them tomorrow morning before the village wakes up, yeah?” With his thumb, he rubbed small circles into the soft flesh of Keiji’s arm, leaning down to catch a glimpse of his face. Keiji pointedly looked away. Sighing a little, he gave up, leaving the other’s personal space.

Keiji didn’t answer immediately. He mulled over the words in his head before he started talking, still in the direction of the wall. “Alright. Then we will go tomorrow morning, correct?”

Koutarou hummed in agreement. “If that’s what you want, then yeah. Unless you’ve changed your mind?” It was only fair – of course he dreaded the answer to this question, but he needed to make sure that he wouldn’t force his companion into anything he didn’t want. H clenched his fist, awaiting an answer.

Laying a hand on Koutarou’s and squeezing a little, Keiji finally looked at him. His eyes were dark, unreadable, but determined nonetheless. “I want to,” he confirmed, and a small smile played around the corners of his mouth, nothing more than a slight twitching of his muscles.

It was more than Koutarou deserved.

He returned the smile as well as he could and pulled Keiji into a hug, burying his head in the point where the other’s neck met his shoulder. Keiji snorted a little, patting his head. “I’m not angry if that’s what you’re thinking, by the way,” he said out of the blue, shifting his body a little so he could watch Koutarou’s face, “I just wish you would’ve told me sooner.”

“It won’t happen again, I promise.” And really, it wouldn’t happen again – he didn’t deserve Keiji’s kindness, his sympathy, _anything._ But he would learn to become a better person for his companion, just as Keiji had tried bettering himself for Koutarou. It was the least he could do.

Curling his arms around the other’s relatively skinny frame, he laid down on the sandy ground, bending his tail so it would fit and staring up at the dark ceiling. Keiji placed his head on his chest, even darker locks splayed out around him, and Koutarou could feel his own heartbeat pick up, only audible because the cave was almost completely silent.

He hugged Keiji a little tighter, and the other nestled his face in Koutarou’s chest, his breathing slow and even.

With only Keiji on his mind, he fell asleep.

* * *

The first rays of the sun always were the kindest – they weren’t too bright or too obtrusive; no, they rather were like a peck on the cheek, a chaste kiss on his skin.

Koutarou opened his eyes and immediately flinched back a little. Dark eyes with heavy bags beneath them were staring at him. He coughed into his hand and then rubbed his forehead. “Keiji, what the heck? Can’t you give a man a warning?”

Keiji’s chuckle was throaty and sounded dry, his eyes drooping heavily. He seemed tired and his arms were still wrapped around Koutarou’s broad frame. “Sorry,” he croaked out, not at all sounding sorry, “I thought you’d never wake up.”

It made sense that Keiji was tired – his body would be used to hunting in the dark, not dependant on any kind of daylight. Maybe they could get him something that fixed that as well?

He stretched, his joints popping, and yawned loudly. Keiji pointedly looked away, busying himself with trying to detangle his hair. He was failing miserably. Koutarou smiled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Or maybe it was just sand. “Here, let me help you.”

Carefully he managed to pry Keiji’s hands away from his head where they’d created even more of a mess and then went to comb his own fingers through it, smoothening it out. Beneath his fingers, he could feel Keiji tense; his shoulders were hunched. “Something wrong?” He asked, as he detangled the last few knots.

Keiji shook his head a little and heaved a sigh. “I’m just- I don’t know, a little scared I guess. Or maybe not scared – wary is the better word, I think.”

Koutarou hummed in thought. His hands worked through the hair even though there were no more knots in it. It felt as silky as it had looked yesterday and he pressed his cheek against it. Keiji inhaled sharply, leaning back into Koutarou’s chest. “That’s totally alright,” he finally said, and Keiji dropped his head on Koutarou’s shoulder, looking up at the ceiling as his hands fiddled with one another in his lap. “But you’re doing great and everything will turn out alright, yeah? I promise.”

When Keiji laughed that throaty laugh again, it sounded like the sound the sea made to calm him down. He draped his arms around Keiji’s frail torso, afraid of breaking him, and stared at the entrance of the cave where weak sunlight painted the grains of sand golden. He didn’t think Keiji would answer until his tired voice croaked out a ‘I suppose it will’.

He cleared his throat. “Of course it will! But anyway, we should go before the village wakes up.” Koutarou pushed himself off the ground, his tail rigid, and he gave it a few experimental flaps before coming to the conclusion that he maybe shouldn’t sleep in cramped caves any more.

It was no problem; after all of this was over and Keiji wanted to stay, they could just build a house together. No more cramped caves.

Keiji rose as well, way more elegant than Koutarou ever could be. He brushed his hand through his hair one last time and then held out his hand for Koutarou to take. Together, they set off to the entrance of the small cave.

Koutarou felt the warm sunlight on his body more than he saw it, and immediately he tilted his head back. Keiji next to him just narrowed his eyes and impatiently clicked his tongue, shooting cautious glances in the direction of the village. He understood. 

He tried to backtrack the route he’d taken yesterday, and surprisingly enough, it worked. Maybe Keiji’s intelligence had rubbed off on him. His companion stared in awe at the buildings they passed, his mouth a little open and his eyes scanning the small, colourful gardens and seashells that adorned the path. It made Koutarou smile ever so slightly and warmth spread in his chest. “We could get one too, y’know,” he tried his luck, drawing Keiji’s attention to himself. “A house I mean. If you want to stay here, that is.”

Keiji’s eyes crinkled up around the corners. “I think I’d like that,” he said, and Koutarou internally burst with joy. “But let’s get to that healer first, yeah? Then we can talk about getting a house.”

With renewed enthusiasm, Koutarou led them without any interruptions to the bigger cave right outside the village, coming to a halt in front of it. He squeezed his hand a little tighter. “Are you completely sure you want to do this?”

“Quite sure, Koutarou,” Keiji assured him, squeezing back and turning his entire body to him. “If I wasn’t, I would have said so.” He smiled slightly, just the twitching of the corners of his mouth and reached for Koutarou’s face to pull him down a little and press a kiss to his lips.

Keiji tasted of warmth and sea salt, and Koutarou couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, drawing closer to the smaller merman and enveloping him in a hug. His skin was warmed by the sun and although his lips were a little chapped, it was perfect.

It ended sooner than he would’ve liked, with Keiji pulling away and giving him a small smirk. Koutarou felt colour rise on his cheeks and looked away, decidedly not meeting Keiji’s eyes. “Come on,” Keiji laughed, pulling him into the opening of the cave.

As soon as they were inside, Keiji visibly relaxed, feeling at home in the dimmed light, and exhaled slowly. Even without Koutarou’s help he managed to find the way to the main room of the cave – mainly because Eita’s and Kenjirou’s voices were hard to block out. 

Right in front of the opening he suddenly halted, gesturing for Koutarou to be the first one to enter. Koutarou nodded, giving him a short thumbs up and then cleared his throat as loud as he could to alert the other two to his presence.

Once again, two pairs of eyes were looking at him, analysing him. “Morning,” he said, rubbing his arm. He wasn’t exactly nervous under the intensity of their gazes, but they still made him slightly uncomfortable – and it was cool inside. Only Eita greeted back.

Kenjirou got down to business immediately. “So where is he?” The younger boy asked, leaning to the side and peering around Koutarou to have a look at Keiji and squinting when he only saw darkness.

Koutarou looked back as well, gesturing for Keiji to come forward. The merman complied, casting his eyes down and coming to a halt right behind Koutarou as if trying to shield himself. Koutarou gave him a reassuring smile. “Hey, it’s alright. These two mean no harm, no need to be shy.” Keiji nodded, but didn’t say anything.

When he looked at the other two mermen, they were exchanging looks, once again silently communicating. Eita had his hands crossed in front of his chest, tapping a fast-paced rhythm on his arm.

Silence settled between them, until Kenjirou spoke up. “That is… Keiji, am I correct?” Koutarou and Keiji nodded in unison, and Kenjirou rubbed his temple with his hand, contorting his face until it looked as if he’d just eaten something sour.

Eita frowned, staring intently at Keiji. No, not exactly at Keiji – his gaze was fixed on a spot slightly to the left of the other’s head. His mouth opened, closed and then opened again. “I take it you can see him, Kenji?” He inquired, glancing to the side where Kenjirou was sitting on a chair-like stone. 

The younger healer got up, nodding. “I can,” he assured Eita, “although he’s really hazy. Not much to be seen.”

Koutarou clicked his tongue, annoyed. “Don’t talk about us like we’re not here!” He exclaimed, and he felt Keiji flinch back a little behind him. He turned around and raised his hand to brush it against Keiji’s arm, silently saying ‘ _Sorry_ ’.

Still frowning, Eita had come a little closer, Kenjirou hot on his heels. “Of course, I’m very sorry,” he started, his gaze flickering between Keiji and Koutarou before finally settling on the latter, “So you want to bring your companion back into life, don’t you?” His gaze lingered on the spot where Koutarou’s hand was securely wrapped around Keiji’s arm.

Kenjirou heaved a sigh.

Now it was Koutarou’s turn to frown. “Why would I need to? He’s here with me. All we want is for you two to- I don’t know, to just… make him feel better and stuff and explain how this can happen. We talked about this yesterday, remember?”

Both healers exchanged another look Koutarou couldn’t read, and Keiji clasped his hand around Koutarou’s arm. It trembled. Kenjirou still moved closer, steering around Koutarou, who was watching him warily, to have a look at Keiji.

His companion shrank back, avoiding Kenjirou until the healer raised both of his hands, symbolling that he didn’t mean any harm. “It’s alright,” he whispered, his voice low as if talking to a scared animal that could lash out any second, “I’m not here to hurt you, I promise.” When Keiji made no motion trying to evade him again, Kenjirou moved closer, stretching his hand out to lay it firmly on Keiji’s arm. He looked at Eita and then back at Keiji, rubbing his thumb across the other’s skin.

Kenjirou cleared his throat. He seemed unsure. “What you’ve brought here,” he started, his voice brittle, “is an imprint, Koutarou.” He didn’t understand, but Kenjirou already continued, his eyes fixed on Keiji. “ _He_ is nothing more than the shell of a former human; something without character, without personality, without memories. Normally you shouldn’t be able to see a lost soul like this one at all.”

Koutarou felt the blood freeze in his veins, felt how Keiji’s hand clenched and then slackened until it fully lost its grip, hanging lifelessly next to his body. He chuckled darkly. “Surely that’s a joke, right? It’s just a really inappropriate joke, isn’t it Eita?” Seeking reassurance, he looked at Eita, but to his horror the other just shook his head.

“Do you know what I see, Koutarou?” He inquired, his voice soft, and it was such a stupid question because _how could Koutarou see what he saw?_ When silence started to settle around them, Eita hastened to continue. “I don’t see _anything._ There’s nothing there – in my eyes, you and Kenji are just talking to the water around us, grasping at nothing.” When Koutarou still didn’t speak, he lunged forward and grabbed the other’s hands, shaking them fervently. “What you are seeing isn’t real, Koutarou,” he explained.

But that wasn’t true, obviously. He’d spent weeks with Keiji, they had laughed together; had shared kisses and wished each other good night and opened up to each other and Keiji was _real._

He shook his head. “You’re wrong,” he stated, and Eita deflated, his eyes filled with worry. The ash-blond opened his mouth to speak, but Kenjirou beat him to it.

The smaller merman was still next to Keiji, who hadn’t said anything since this whole fiasco had started, just staring blankly at the ground. Kenjirou’s hand was wrapped around Keiji’s arm; the skin there seemed to warp, not acting like skin. But Kenjirou wasn’t speaking to Koutarou, or even to Eita. His sole focus was on Keiji when he talked. “What about you, Keiji? What do you think?” His voice was soft; so much softer than Koutarou had ever heard him talk, and his eyes gleamed coppery in the dim light.

“I…” For the first time since Koutarou had met him, the merman seemed speechless, at a loss of what to do or say. He wrung his hands, not looking at any of them. “I don’t know.” He looked so small, so vulnerable, and it made Koutarou want to hug him, but Eita’s grip on his hands prevented that.

He stared at the healer with heat in his eyes. “Let me go,” he commanded, but Eita shook his head, his eyes narrowed. “I said let me go!” He ripped his hands away; felt Eita’s sharp nails graze his skin and the water around him cooled. “Keiji, don’t listen to them!”

But Keiji wasn’t listening to him either. Kenjirou had tilted his chin upwards with his one hand, the other outstretched to keep Koutarou at bay, his eyes firmly locked on Keiji. “What do _you_ really want, Keiji? I’m sure you know it.”

His companion suddenly clutched his head in his hands, shaking it violently from side to side. “I don’t know!” In a matter of seconds, Kenjirou had pulled the other into a hug, making soft shushing sounds and patting Keiji’s head. It looked rehearsed, as if it was just another part of his job as a healer.

Koutarou fumed. “Get away from him,” he growled, baring his teeth, but before he could anything, Eita had caught his wrist in an ironlike grip. He tried to break free, to shake the other off, but Eita was stronger than anticipated.

Keiji murmured something against Kenjirou’s shoulder that only the smaller merman was able to understand. Kenjirou nodded, his fins flowing around him like colourful veils.

“Can you say that louder, so Koutarou can hear you too?” He asked, his voice calm and caring and so _fake._

Nodding, Keiji raised his head a little and stared directly at Koutarou. His eyes were bloodshot, the dark bags under them even darker now and his face was deathly pale. “I’m tired,” he whispered, “I want to go home now.”

Koutarou clenched his fists at his side, his nails digging into the skin of his palms, leaving tiny, red crescents. “We can go home now if you want, Keiji. Why didn’t you say so from the beginning?” He didn’t want his voice to sound that whiny, but he simply didn’t _know_ what else to feel.

Keiji shrugged as best as he could. “I’m just so tired. I want to sleep.”

Kenjirou draped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer, murmuring quietly into the other’s ear. His eyes still seemed dead; that calculating look had never left them. Then he directly addressed Koutarou and Eita. “I will guide him across the threshold now. He’s been through a lot; I think it’s time for him to rest,” he stated calmly. Koutarou didn’t really understand what that meant, but it couldn’t be anything good. 

With a cry of desperation, Koutarou shook Eita off once again and lunged forward, grabbing Keiji’s arm. His lower lip was quivering as Keiji stared at him with empty eyes, but neither Eita nor Kenjirou did anything to stop him. “Don’t go,” he pleaded breathlessly, eyes darting around frantically.

His companion only stared.

“Please don’t leave me!” He didn’t care that he was begging at this point, that there were other people in this room, watching, or that Keiji was… “I don’t know what to do without you!”

A soft hand was placed on his cheek, stroking him lightly and brushing the white hair that fell into his eyes away. “It’s alright,” Keiji finally said, although his gaze still seemed soulless. “Everything’s alright now, Koutarou.” He shot a look at Kenjirou. “Can you give us a few more minutes?”

Kenjirou looked at Eita for a few seconds _(probably relaying what Keiji had said to the other merman)_ before he nodded. “Fine with me.” Together, they swum out, lowly talking to one another as they waited in front of the main room, giving them the space Keiji had requested. 

Keiji redirected his attention back to Koutarou once they were semi-alone. “I need to go, Koutarou, and you know that,” he started, but Koutarou cut him off.

“I need you – please, don’t leave me here.” His eyes burnt and he blinked rapidly to get a clear sight again, to memorize Keiji’s appearance so he wouldn’t forget anything. “It’s my fault.”

The other shook his head. “It’s not. I’m the one you should blame, really. But it doesn’t matter anymore, I suppose.” He smiled sadly, his eyes filling with the kindness Koutarou had missed. “I love you, Koutarou, but you’re not mine. And neither is this world. I think it’s time we stop pretending and face the consequences, don’t you think?”

He shook his head. “Don’t go – we can still live together! Maybe not with the shoal, but somewhere far away, where no other people are! We still have a future!” Koutarou knew he was getting desperate at this point, grasping straws like a drowning man grasped at the waves. 

Keiji knew that, too. “Koutarou, no,” he uttered, “you’ll be happier here, with your friends, than out there with me. Stay with them, alright? And don’t do anything too stupid.” Then he looked back to the entrance and quietly called for Kenjirou, who came back inside, Eita right behind him. Both of them acted as if they hadn’t heard anything, their faces completely blank.

“Finished?” The smaller merman asked, and Keiji nodded. Kenjirou seemed pleased, motioning for Keiji to follow him. He swam to a smaller opening in the back of the cave, half hidden by a curtain made of byssal threads and held it open for Keiji.

His companion paused for a second and turned around to Koutarou, giving him a small smile. “I’m glad I was able to meet you, Koutarou,” he said, and then he was gone.

Koutarou felt his heart shatter like birds sometimes shattered against the cliffs when the breeze was too strong.

He felt his heart fall into the water, like the birds sometimes did, and sink to the ground until it laid on the bottom of the ocean.

And he felt his heart wash up on the shore with all the dead fish, baking in the hot sun.

It all happened in an instant.

Eita – or at least he supposed it was Eita, because who else could it be? – clasped a hand on his shoulder. Both of them stared at the small curtain at the back of the room until Eita coughed slightly. “It’s a good lesson to learn in life, early on,” he started, and Koutarou dreaded what would follow. “You know, to let go. You did the right thing.”

He wanted to retort, to yell at Eita that this wasn’t what he’d wanted at all, that nothing had gone like it should’ve, but the fire inside him had been extinguished when Keiji had disappeared.

The sound of the light waves against his skin, lapping softly as if caressing him wasn’t soothing – because it wasn’t Keiji who murmured in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tried to finish this asap because a lot of people seemed to know where this was going and i was getting frantic. subtlety isnt my strong suit, i really foreshadow too much  
> nevertheless, the deed is done and i hope you enjoyed the journey! thanks if you stuck with me till the end, and special thanks to those who commented and thus encouraged me to keep going :)
> 
> Now that i've smelled blood i cannot be stopped. Expect me to be back in a few days time until i've finally burnt myself out
> 
> gtg finish my speech now and then stare at the moon as i contemplate the meaning of life. it is exceptionally pretty today.


End file.
